Daffynitions

Credit: The PUNY (Punsters United Nearly Yearly) online listserv group

Baritone: Note emanating from Sen. Goldwater, or from singer Manilow,
for example.

Belt: Past tense of what was done to the cat to warn the birds away.

Minions: Genetic hybrid between minnows and onions.

Maple: Possibility of exerting force in a specific direction, as in, "Watch out when you walk my dog. He's big--he maple you right down the block."

Fireplace: Where your boss tells you your services are no longer needed.

Aspersion: An Iranian burro

Accountant: A noble insect

Resolution: Redissolving salt crystallized by evaporation

Antacid: The poison from the sting of a South American Fire Ant.

Incongruous: Where federal laws are made.

Scallops: sells tickets at a very high price.

Liability: The art of convincing others of your innocence.

Disappointment: When they call to tell you the doctor had an emergency.

Autonomy: What there will be if I gain another 1800 pounds.

Literati: An expensive German car driven by highly educated people who callously toss their trash in public places. (Note: The high performance version of this vehicle is the "3 Literati.")

Disappeared: What happened after the boat tied to the dock sprang a leak.

Associate: What you might say about a popular baseball player after lunch.

Carbuncle: A protuberance on a vehicle that results from a collision.

Protuberance: Small insects that are fond of potatoes.

Fundamentalist: Money used to pay for the services of psychics

Romantic: Parasites infesting some Italian males.

Determination: End of the bus route.

Maximum: A much larger flower than the minimum.

Numerical: What Jesus will perform after he comes back.

Repaired: Your status after your second wedding.

Anomaly: Used to describe the everyday activities of hillbillies. (e.g. "Anomaly take a nap after lunch.")

Axis: (1) Hillbilly term for tools used to chop kindlin' wood (2) Hillbilly term for signatures on a legal document.

Exit: What a Hillbilly does when asked to sign to a legal document.

Excess: What the Hillbilly knows he will find under his hen.

Existential: What the hillbilly says when he discovers his eggs are rotten.

Alaska: I will propose.

Castanet: Primitive fishing method.

Catabolism: Process by which felines maintain life.

Emulation: Excitement in a flightless bird of New Zealand.

Fritter: Sautéed road kill.

Hemlock: The position a woman finds herself in when her high heel snags her skirt.

Infamy: Out to get me, as in, "They had it infamy."

Jabberwocky: A personal communication devicefor those who are always talking.

Ketchup: Come from behind.

Loquat: Deep knee bend.

Misfortune: Have a lottery ticket which is off by only one digit from the winning number.

Nutrition: The process by which new things become old things; use.

Oswego: The Air Force hymn.

Paradise: Crapshooting equipment.

Quicksilver: How the Lone Ranger called his horse when he needed him right away.

Rejection: Booster shot.

Scullery: The art of propelling a boat with an oar.

Toadflax: Publicists in sandals.

User: A way to get someone's attention, as in, "User! Yes, user!"

Weakness: Little-known horse race.

Xerophyte: World War II air battle in the Pacific.

Yankee: Recipient of a firm tug or jerk.

Zebra: French device for supporting ze mammaries.

Alphabet: The first Greek wager.

Bastille: What the bars are made of in a French prison.

Celestial: What an Italian thief does to a fence.

Donkey: What a young lady uses to get into her beau's flat.

Effort: Where the Indians attacked John Wayne.

Flatulate: "I'm sorry, you blew it. The apartment is already taken."

Genealogy: The story of Alladin's discovery in the magic lamp.

Hollow: An empty greeting.

Impeach: Where you find the pits.

Journey: The second joint in your leg up from the floor.

Kayak: Comes in chocolate, cheese, angel, and several other flavours too.

Lasso: What la lawyer does.

fructose: A new cereal made from old dried toast.

glucose: Your foot after wearing the same socks during a four day hike.

lactose: Your foot after standing too close to the elevator shaft as it passes.

maltose: Spanish for a deformed foot.

jocose: Spanish athletes

verbose: A hairy radio.

morose: What da man wants for his girl friend.

comatose: Lack of action due a fear of putting proper punctuation in a document.

Extinct: She divorced her husband because of his B.O.

Euthanasia: An exchange student program with far east countries.

Paradigms: Not enough for a cup of coffee or a phone call these days.

Space Station: Where you take your dog to get her fixed if you don't want puppies.

Noxema - to make fun of that clear alcoholic beverage

Egypt - to pay for something online...and then never receive it

Xenophobia - to fear Lucy Lawless