JOGGER-FREE

by Cynthia MacGregor

There are so many countries to learn about, on seven different countenance, so jogger-free is tough to learn on the face of it. The simplest of the seven to learn about is Ease-Ya. To the east of there, the inhabitants play baseball with a small team, so they’re constantly telling you You’re Up. If you investigate I’s Trail Ya personally, you’ll find the residents follow you around. Ant Arctica is inhabited entirely by tiny, industrious insects. An A Freaker is inhabited by people who are…you know…out there. Only happy automobiles can be found in the two I Merry Cars.

Of course, there was a time when none of the inhabitants of any of these places knew anything about the others. Everyone thought they lived at the center of the universe. Then Marco decided to play polo in neighboring countries, and all the rest is his story. Following in Marco’s footsteps were Francisco da Gamma Rays, Ferdinand Majelly (he was a truly grape explorer), and Ponce dan de Leon, who always stopped to smell the roses.

On the seven countenance of the earth are found many different countries and cities, and their in happy tents. Pair Us is a city where everyone is coupled, in the country of Friends, where everyone is buddies. Watch out for the abundant viruses, as well as back teria and front teria, in Germ Many. The Belchins drink lots of bicarbonate. You can cover lots of territory with the Span Yards. Flocks of birds head to harbor with the Port You Geese. I Slanders are often the subject of libel suits. They are libel to say most anything. They export lots of meat patties from Hamburg and cook them in Greece. Many accounts live and work in I Tally. Sugar comes from Sweeten, where the driving conditions are terrible. If one night you cannot get home by car from the office, be prepared to indignantly stalk home. Fish live in Fin Land.

They banished all convicts from the country in A Freaker called Con Go. I bought an Oriental rug at the northern tip of Africa; I thought I got a good price from the dealer, but later I realized Egypt me.

In Burma, they phoned to send a tough guy out to “take care of a problem.” Fortunately, when they rang goon, he didn’t answer. All the men wear constrictive neckwear in Thailand. And of course, if you go to the heart of the former USSR, be parepared to be hurried along the way. Yes, they’ll rush ya. But do take the time to look at their most famous tourist attraction, the famous bovine belonging to the country’s famous mother—Ma’s cow.

In Dublin the natives are so angry that they live in perpetual Ire Land. There’s a part of Italy that retains its independent nature and likes to think of itself as both separate and terribly funny. See? Silly!

The capital of Buenos Aires is still under construction because Argen is still a teener. In Rio, many homes have underwear hanging out the windows—they’re draped on the bra sill. It’s always cold in Chile. In a neighboring country, they believe everyone’s male and tell them so—even if you’re a woman, they’ll tell you, Uraguay. And the fellows travel in pairs in Paraguy. Do you know all this already? I don’t Bolivia know much about South America at all. I asked my neighbor’s kid how much he knew about the Amazon, but he said, “We get our books from Barnes & Noble.”

Most of the inhabitants have black eyes in Shiner. None of the critics like the movies in Ya Pan. In a certain country in the Far East, football is revered, so when two short of a dozen players on the Green Bay football team went to visit there, they named the country after them—Packers’ Ten. But in a neighboring country, while playing against the local team, their team suffered extraordinary pain and were put on the Disabled List. Yes, they came to grief in Injure. In another neighboring nation, they make friends with your leg joint, which is why the country is called Knee Pal. I hurried out of Iran, but I roll when Iraq.

(cont'd Monday)