More jokes.

Bill Clinton fans, don't shoot the messenger.

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Hillary Clinton dies and goes to Heaven where she meets St. Peter. She notices that there are clocks everywhere. She asks St. Peter why are there so many clocks here. St. Peter tells her that each clock represents a person on earth and that every time a person tells a lie, the clock ticks off one second.

St. Peter explains that the one clock has never moved because it belonged to Mother Theresa and she never told a lie her whole life. The next clock belonged to Abraham Lincoln and since he only told two lies his whole life, only two seconds had clicked. Hillary asks, "Where is Bill's clock?"

St. Peter says, "Bill's clock is upstairs in God's office. He's using it as a fan."

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Two Irishmen were in a lifeboat after their craft sank in a storm. After hours of floating aimlessly, one spotted an old lamp in the boat. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie appeared. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!"

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A first-time father takes his baby to the doctor. "Doc, I can't figure out what's wrong with him. He doesn't stop crying."

It only takes the doctor a second to see what is wrong. "Here’s your problem," says the doctor. "This baby’s in serious need of a diaper change."

Looking baffled, the man replies, "But the package says it’s good for eight to 10 pounds!"

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In a nursing home, an Old Lady said to an Old Man, "Drop your pants and I will tell how old you are."

The man said, "Really?"

The Lady told him that it was true, so he dropped his pants. The lady studied him carefully, then said, "Hmmm....you're 85 years old."

The man, in a state of total shock said, "Wow. How did you know"

The woman replied, "You told me yesterday."

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Credit: Random Stupid Joke Server.