A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, quotations, sayings, and the like


“God meets our knees.”
(Actual title of Sunday School lesson: “God meets our needs.”)
-- Jeanie from Augusta, GA

“Mount Mushmore.”
(Actual place name: “Mount Rushmore.”)
-- Muriel

“Big mouse bass”
(Correct name of fish: “Big-mouth bass.”)
-- Elisabeth

“Foot feet”
(Correct old-time name for gas pedal: “Foot feed.”)
-- Gail Peters

“Chester drawer”
(Correct name of furniture: “Chest of drawers.”)
-- Gail Peters

“The statue of Liverty”
(Correct name: “The statue of Liberty.”)
-- Evelyne

“Potatoes Hog Rotten”
(Correct name of dish: “Potatoes au gratin.”)
-- Doug B., near Chicago

“On your market, set, go.”
(Correct wording: “On your mark, get set, go.”)
-- C.M.

“Fashada before I wake.”
(Correct wording: “If I should die before I wake.”)
-- Rita Wilkenfeld

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, quotes, sayings, and the like

“Hairy Vents”
(Actual name of local business in contributor’s area: “Hair Events.”)
-- Frances McCunnie via Jeff Symonds

“Cinnamonship”
(Correct version: “Citizenship”)
-- Michele Ash

[Misheard announcement in school, repeated by an excited young boy:] “The Super-Nintendo is coming!”
(Actual announcement he had misheard and misquoted: “The superintendent is coming.”)
-- Minna Choe via Jeff Symonds

“And lead a snot into temptation.”
(Correct version: “And lead us not into temptation.”)
-- K. Haviland via Jeff Symonds

“A pen is saved, a pen is burned.”
(Correct version: “A penny saved is a penny earned.”)
-- Anonymous

“Thou shalt not cover thy neighbor’s wife.”
(Correct version: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”)
-- Anonymous

“Thou shalt not make unto thee a brazen image.”
(Correct version: “Thou shalt not make unto thee a graven image.”)
-- C.M.

“Pray for the missionaries in the cornfield.”
(Actual words of the prayer: “Pray for the missionaries in the foreign field.”)
-- Chris

“Goodness greyfish!”
(Correct version: “Goodness gracious!”)
-- Jodell

“For all intensive purposes.”
(Correct version: “For all intents and purposes.”)
-- Kay

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, sayings, quotations, and the like

The Whizzer Daws
(Correct title: The Wizard of Oz)
-- Diana C.

“Paper View TV”
(Correct version: “Pay-per-view TV”)
-- Stan Kegel

“It’s a doggy-dog world.”
(Correct version: “It’s a dog-eat-dog world.”)
-- Frances Y. J. Wheeler

“Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life”
(Correct version: ”Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.”)
-- Clare

“This is a day that will live in infantry.”
(Correct version: “This is a day that will live in infamy.”)
-- C.M.

“And lead us not into Penn Station,”
(Correct version: “And lead us not into temptation.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“But deliver us some e-mail.”
(Correct version: “But deiver us from evil.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Nip it in the butt.”
(Correct version: “Nip it in the bud.”)
~Lauré Smith, North Hollywood, Ca.

[This next may not strictly qualify as a mondegreen, since both the mis-spoken version and the correct one sound identical. It’s all in what you think you’re hearing…or saying. The contributor says this one resulted from her mis-hearing a term used on Women’s Professional Billiards broadcasts.]
“Won-loss bracket.”
[Correct version: “One-loss bracket.”]
-- Anonymous out west

“And to the Republican, Richard Stans....”
(Correct version: “And to the republic, for which it stands…”.)
-- Marveen

“Lonely child”
(Correct version: “Only child.”)
-- Michele Ash

[This one, from Bess W. Metcalf, requires a little explanation. Bess says that her mother, many years ago, overheard Bess’s little brothers and sisters playing wedding. They had recently attended a marriage ceremony performed by their father, a pastor, and had the routine memorized. The young “minister” intoned:]
“Do you take this woman to be your awful wedded wife?”
(Correct version: “Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?”)
-- Bess W. Metcalf

“One Asian, under guard,”
(Correct version: “One nation, under God,”)
-- C.M.

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, sayings, quotations, and the like

Though song lyrics (which we've looked at in this space for the last couple of weeks) are the richest vein for mining mondegreens, proverbs, commercials, prayers, and most any other form of the spoken word are fodder for mondegreens too. If you can hear it, you can mis-hear it, and mis-quote it, and turn it into a mondegreen.


“Neck store neighbor.”
(Correct version: “Next-door neighbor.”)
-- C.M.

“Force corps and seven years ago...”
(Correct version: “Four score and seven years ago…”)
-- Gary Hallock

“Like two peas in a pot.”
(Correct version: Like two peas in a pod.)
-- Lauré Smith, North Hollywood, Ca.

“Give us this day our jelly bread.”
(Correct version: “Give us this day our daily bread.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Very close veins.”
(Correct version: “Varicose veins.”)
-- Anonymous

“Mary, Mary, quite contrary,/How does your garden grow?/With silver bells
And Taco Bells,/And pretty maids all in a bow.”
(Correct version: “Mary, Mary, quite contrary,/How does your garden grow?/With silver bells and cockleshells,/And pretty maids all in a row.”)
-- Mabird

“One naked individual.”
(Correct version—this was before the words “under God” were added to the Pledge in the ’50s: “One nation indivisible.”)
-- Kendy Wilson

“In the name of the Father, the Son and the holy goat.”
(Correct version: “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the holy ghost.”)
-- Diana C

“Hail, Mary, full of grapes.”
(Correct version: “Hail, Mary, full of grace.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“Hail Mary, full of grace, how does your garden grow?”
(Correct wording: “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.”)
-- Chris

“Our Father, who are in Heaven, Howard be thy name.”
(Correct version: “Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“Our Father, who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?”
(Correct version: “Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“Our Father Which art in heaven, Harold be Thy name.”
(Correct wording: “Our Father Which art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.”)
-- Sohli Dalal

“Our Father, Who does art in heaven.”
(Correct wording: “Our Father Who art in heaven.”)
-- Anonymous

“And forgive us our trash baskets,/As we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”
(Correct wording: “And forgive us our trespasses/As we forgive those who trespass against us.”)
-- Anonymous

“Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses.”
(Correct version: “Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“Give us this day our jelly bread.”
(Correct version: “Give us this day our daily bread.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“He suffered under a bunch of violets.”
(Correct version: “He suffered under Pontius Pilate.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, sayings, quotations, and the like


“Olive, the other reindeer,”
(Actual lyric: “All of the other reindeer”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Round John Virgin, mother and child.”
(Actual lyric: “Round yon virgin mother and child”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Oh atom bomb, oh atom bomb.”
(Actual lyric: “O tannenbaum, o tannenbaum.”)
-- Anonymous

“I led the pigeons to the flag of the United States of America.”
(Correct words: “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.”)
-- Marveen

“I pledge the pigeons to the flag of the United States of America.”
(Correct words: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.”)
-- Richard Lederer

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard, misunderstood song lyrics, qotes, sayings, etc


“With the jelly toast proclaim,”
(Actual lyric: “With th’ angelic host proclaim,”)
-- Richard Lederer

“On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me…”
(Actual lyric: “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Walkin’ in a woman’s underwear.”
(Actual lyric: “Walkin’ in a winter wonderland.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Later on, wilke and spire.”
(Actual lyric: “Later on, we’ll conspire.”)
-- Marcia from San Diego, CA

“Here to stay is the nude bird.”
(Actual lyric: “Here to stay is a new bird.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“He’s making a list, chicken and rice.”
(Actual lyric: “He’s making a list and checkin’ it twice.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“While shepherds walked their fox by night.”
(Actual lyric: “While shepherds watched their flocks by night.”)
-- Anonymous

“While shepherds washed their socks by night.”
(Actual lyric: “While shepherds watched their flocks by night.”)
-- Betty Ross-Robinson

“God rescues merry gentlemen.”
(Actual lyric: “God rest ye merry, gentlemen.”)
--Jean Turner

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, quotations, sayings, and the like

“Outside the snow is falling,/And friends are calling, ‘You fool!’”
(Actual lyric: “Outside the snow is falling,/And friends are calling, ‘You-hoo!’”)
-- Anonymous

“We free kings of Oregon are.”
(Actual lyric: “We three kings of Orient are.”)
-- Anonymous

“King forever, seasoned leather.”
(Actual lyric: “King forever, ceasing never.”)
-- Anonymous

“Mere is mighty bitter perfume.”
(Actual lyric: “Myrrh is mine. Its bitter perfume….”)
-- Anonymous

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,/Just like the wands I used to know.”
(Actual lyric: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,/Just like the ones I used to know.”)
-- Anonymous

“In the meadow we can build a snowman,/Then pretend that he is sparse and brown.”
(Actual lyric: “In the meadow we can build a snowman,/Then pretend that he is Parson Brown.”)
-- Anonymous

“In the meadow weevils built a snowman.”
(Actual lyric: “In the meadow we will build a snowman.”)
-- Gary Hallock

“Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.”
(Actual lyric: “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.”)
-- Anonymous

“You’ll tell Carol, ‘Be a skunk, I require.’”
(Actual lyric: “Yuletide carols being sung by a fire.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Hark and Harold, angels, sing.”
(Actual lyric: “Hark, the herald angels sing.”)
-- Betsy

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard misunderstood song lyrics, quotes, sayings, and such

“We three kings of porridge and tar.”
(Actual lyric: “We three kings of Orient are.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Joy to the world!/The Lord has gum.”
(Actual lyric: “Joy to the world,/The Lord is come.”)
-- Anonymous

“Here came the white men from Orioles’ land.”
(Actual lyric: “Here came the wise men from Orient land.”)
-- Anonymous

“Sing, choirs of angels./Sing on eggs all stationed.”
(Actual lyric: “Sing, choirs of angels./Sing in exaltation.”)
-- Anonymous

“The kids and girls in boy land.”
(Actual lyric: “The kids in girl and boy land.”)
-- C.M.

“They’re going to build a toilet down.”
(“They’re going to build a toyland town”)
-- Anonymous

“Round John Virgin, mother, and child.”
(Actual lyric: “Round yon Virgin mother and child.”)
-- Anonymous

“Round yon Virgin, margarine child.”
(Actual lyric: “Round yon virgin mother and child.”)
-- Anonymous

“Love your virgin, mother and child”
(Actual lyric: “Round yon mother virgin and child.”)
-- Evelyne

“Sleep in heavenly peas.”
(Actual lyric: “Sleep in heavenly peace.”)
-- Anonymous

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

MONDEGREENS: MIS-HEARD, MIS-UNDERSTOOD SONG LYRICS, QUOTATIONS, SAYINGS, ETC.

“Gath’ring wine and gruel.”
(Actual lyric: “Gath’ring winter fuel.”)
-- Anonymous

“Hark the Harold angels sing.”
(Actual lyric: “Hark the herald angels sing.”)
-- Anonymous

“Glory to the New York King.”
(Actual lyric: “Glory to the newborn king.”)
-- Anonymous

“Goddamn sinners reckon sighed.”
(Actual lyric: “God and sinners reconciled.”)
-- Anonymous

“Goddamn sinners wreck a child.”
(Actual lyric: “God and sinners reconciled.)
-- Anonymous

“Joyful oily nations, rise.”
(Actual lyric: “Joyful all ye nations rise.”)
-- Anonymous

“Join the triumph of disguise.”
(Actual lyric: “Join the triumph of the skies.”)
-- Anonymous

“With the jelly toast proclaim.”
(Actual lyric: “With th’ angelic host proclaim.”)
-- Anonymous

“Bells on Bob’s tail ring.”
(Actual lyric: “Bells on bobtail ring.”)
-- Anonymous

“Bells on bobtail ring,/Making spareribs bright.”
(Actual lyric: “Bells on bobtail ring,/Making spirits bright.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Oh, what fun it is to ride/With one horse, soap, and sleigh.”
(Actual lyric: “Oh, what fun it is to ride/In a one-horse open sleigh.”)
-- Anonymous

“Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap, and hay.”
(Actual lyric: “Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“A one-horse soap in sleigh.”
(Actual lyric: “A one-horse open sleigh.”)
Elizabeth Gessner McAllister

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard, misunderstood song lyrics, quotes, sayings, etc.

“Deck the halls with bells of jolly.”
(Actual lyric: “Deck the halls with boughs of holly.”)
-- Anonymous

“Strike the harp, enjoy the florist.”
(Actual lyric: “Strike the harp and join the chorus.”)
-- Anonymous

“Strike the heart, and join the chorus.”
(Actual lyric: “Strike the harp and join the chorus.”)
-- Anonymous

“Don we now our day of peril.”
(Actual lyric: “Don we now our gay apparel.”)
-- Anonymous

“Jolly Old St. Nicholas,/Clean your ear this way.”
(Actual lyric: “Jolly Old St. Nicholas,/Lean your ear this way.”)
-- Bob Dvorak

“Police car ahead.”
(Actual lyric: “Feliz Navidad.”)
-- Anonymous

“Police got my dad.”
(Actual lyric: “Feliz Navidad.”)
-- Anonymous

“Fleas on your butt”
(Actual lyric: “Feliz Navidad.”)
-- Marian Allen

“There’s fleas on your dad.”
(Actual lyric: “Feliz Navidad.”)
-- Anonymous

“The first Noel,/The angels did say,/Was to frighten poor shepherds/In fields as they lay.”
(Actual lyric: “The first Noel,/The angels did say,/Was to certain poor shepherds/In fields as they lay.”)
-- Anonymous

“Barney’s the King of Israel.”
(Actual lyric: “Born is the King of Israel.”)
-- Anonymous

“Frosty the Snowman/Is a ferret elf they say.”
(Actual lyric: “Frosty the Snowman/Is a fairy tale they say.”)
-- Anonymous

“With a corncob pipe and a bloody nose.”
(Actual lyric: “With a corncob pipe and a button nose.”)
-- Anonymous

“Get dressed, ye married gentlemen.”
(Actually lyric: “God rest ye merry, gentlemen.”)
-- Anonymous

“Good King Wences’ car backed out/On the feet of heathens.”
(Actual lyric: “Good King Wenceslas looked out/On the feast of Stephen.”)
-- Anonymous

“Good King Wences’ car backed out/On a piece of Stephen.”
(Actual lyric: “Good King Wenceslas looked out/On the feast of Stephen.”)
Richard Lederer

“Good king wants his applesauce/At the feast this evening.”
(Actual lyric: “Good King Wenceslas looked out/On the feast of Stephen.”
-- Anonymous

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard, misunderstood song lyrics, quotations, sayings, and the like

Born free, as free as the willows.”
(Actual lyric: “Born free, as free as the wind blows.”)
-- Eric Storm

“What a friend we have in cheeses.”
(Actual lyric: “What a friend we have in Jesus.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Round yon virgin mother and child/Holy infantry, tender and mild....”
(Actual lyric: “Round yon virgin mother and child/Holy infant so tender and mild….”)
-- Unnamed source quoted in Stan Kegel’s ezine, Puns of the Day

“Roundy - on virgin.”
(Actual lyric: “Round yon virgin.”)
Neil Woodward

“Holy Vincent, so tender and mild.”
(Actual lyric: Holy infant, so tender and mild.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“I’ll be home for Christmas,/But homely in my dreams.”
(Actual lyric: “I’ll be home for Christmas,/But only in my dreams.”)
-- Bob Dvorak

“They wouldn’t let poor Rudolph join in ninny reindeer games.”
(Actual lyric: “They wouldn’t let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.”)
-- Gary Hallock

“Then one smoggy piss mess eve...”
(Actual lyric: “Then one foggy Chirstmas eve.”)
-- Dawn

“You’ll go down in Listerine.”
(Actual lyric: “You’ll go down in history.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Displayed my breast for him...pa’s-rump a pom pom.”
(Actual lyric: “I played my best for him. Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum.”)
-- Gary Hallock

“Deck the halls with Buddy Holly.”
(Actual lyric: “Deck the halls with boughs of holly.”)
-- Anonymous

“Deck the halls with Bowson’s Harley.”
(Actual lyric: “Deck the halls with boughs of holly.”)
-- Anonymous

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard, misunderstood song lyrics, sayings, quotes, etc

“This is the dawning of the age of asparagus.”
(Actual lyric: “This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“It’s been three years since I broke my nose.”
(Actual lyric: “It’s been three years since I wrote my note.”)
-- Stacy Silva

“My country is ugly,”
(Actual lyric: “My country, ’tis of thee,”)
-- Jane Stanze in Webster Groves, MO

“Take your pants down and make it happen.”
(Actual lyric: “Take your passion and make it happen.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Oh, no, not in springtime, summer, winter or all.”
(Actual lyric: “Oh, no, not in springtime, summer, winter, or fall.”)
-- Jo Wake

“Spiderman, Spiderman,/Does whatever a spider can./Spins a web,/Then he sighs.”
(Actual lyric: “Spiderman, Spiderman,/Does whatever a spider can./Spins a web,/Any size.”)
-- the mother of Matthew, in New York, age five

“Clown control to Mao Tse-Tung.”
(Actual lyric: “Ground control to Major Tom.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“I am a rock, I am an onion.”
(Actual lyric: “I am a rock, I am an island.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“One of these days all of my thumbs are gonna be fingers.”
(Actual lyric: “One of these days all of my friends are gonna be strangers.”)
-- Vivian

“I got shoes. They’re made of plywood.”
(Actual lyric: “I got chills. They’re multiplying.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Third grade romance.”
(Actual lyric: “Third-rate romance”)
-- Myrna Dooley

“Rap City in Blue.”
(Actual title: “Rhapsody in Blue.”)
-- Richard Lederer

”What’s for dinner, mountain mama?/Take me home, country roads.”
(Actual lyric: “West Virginia, mountain mama./Take me home, country roads.”)
-- Jean Turner

“And here’s to you, Mrs. Rubber Thumb.”
(Actual lyric: “And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson.”)
~~Kathy Epeneter

“Jacques, the monkey.”
(Actual lyric: “Shock the monkey.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Brown Cow”
(Actual lyric: “Downtown.”)
-- Anonymous out west

“Glorified version of a pelican.”
(Actual lyric: “Glorified version of a pellet gun.”)
-- Anonymous

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard, misunderstood song lyrics, quotes, sayings, etc

“I’ll be your xylophone waiting for you.”
(Actual lyric: “I’ll be beside the phone waiting for you.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Pardon me, boys, is that the chat ’n’ nougat choo-choo?”
(Actual lyric: “Pardon me, boys, is that the Chattanooga choo-choo?”)
-- C.M.

“Are you going to starve an old friend?”
(Actual lyric: “Are you going to Scarborough Fair?”)
-- Stan Kegel

“She will come and brown the mountain when she comes.”
(Actual lyric: “She’ll be comin’ round the mountain when she comes.”)
-- C.M.

“Got a lot of lucky peanuts.”
(Actual lyric: “Got a lot of love between us.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“What a nice surprise when you’re out of ice.”
(Actual lyric: “What a nice surprise, bring your alibis.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Return December, bad dress unknown.”
(Actual lyric: “Return to sender, address unknown.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Hide it under a bush? Oh no!!! I’m going to let it shine.”
(Actual lyric: “Hide it under a bushel? No! I’m going to let it shine.”)
-- Barb Jernigan

“Mezzo Poe tame ya.”
(Actual lyric: “Mesopotamia.”)
-- Anonymous

“Rind-stoned cowboy.”
(Actual lyric: “Rhinestone cowboy.”)
-- Anonymous

“Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.”
(Actual lyric: “And he walks with me, and he talks with me.”)
-- Evelyn Sheets

“From the mountain to the fairy, to the oceans white with foam.”
(Actual lyric: “From the mountains to the prairies, to the oceans white with foam.”)
-- Karlis

“Where the deer and the canteloupe play.”
(Actual lyric: “Where the deer and the antelope play.”)
-- Stan Kegel

”The girl from Emphysema goes walking”
(Actual lyric: “The girl from Ipanema goes walking.”)
-- Rich Lederer

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard song lyrics, quotes, sayings, and the like

“Crimean River.”
(Actual lyric: “Cry Me a River.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“The girl with the straw derriere.”
(Actual lyric: “The girl with the strawberry hair.”)
-- Karen Rhodes

“Bring me an iron lung.”
(Actual lyric: “Bring me a higher love.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Mama, don’t take my clothes ’n’ throw ’em away.”
(Actual lyric: “Mama, don’t take my Kodachrome away.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“You make the best homemade stew around.”
(Actual lyric: “You make the best of what’s still around.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Secret Asian man”
(Actual lyric: “Secret agent man.”)
-- Terri

“Sail along inna spoon.”
(Actual lyric: “Sail along, silvery moon.”)
-- Clare

“Midnight after you’re wasted.”
(Actual lyric: “Midnight at the oasis.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“I blow bubbles when you are not here.”
(Actual lyric: “My world crumbles when you are not here.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“I got no towel. I hung it up again.”
(Actual lyric: “I get knocked down, but I get up again.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Coffee under your feet.”
(Actual lyric: “Concrete under your feet.”)
-- Terri

“Palm trees under your feet.”
(Actual lyric: “Concrete under your feet.”)
-- Terri

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard song lyrics, quotations, sayings, and the like

“Went to a dance, lookin’ for a man,/Saw Barbara Ann, so I thought I’d take a chance.”
(Actual lyric: “Went to a dance, lookin’ for romance,/Saw Barbara Ann, so I thought I’d take a chance.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Revved up like a douche.”
(Actual lyric: “Revved up like a deuce.”)
-- Bekki

“Frying poultry in the sand.”
(Actual lyric: “By a palm tree in the sand.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Strong in my face with his fingers.”
(Actual lyric: “Strumming my pain with his fingers.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Strumming my face with his fingers.”
(Actual lyric: “Strumming my pain with his fingers.”)
-- C.M.

“Love me while you can./Love our dental plan.”
(Actual lyric: “Love me while you can./Before I’m a dead old man.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Might as well face it, you a dick with a glove.”
(Actual lyric: “Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Her raunchy sandals too.”
(Actual lyric: “Huarache sandals too.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“She was a gay stripper.”
(Actual lyric: “She was a day tripper.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“She was a State Trooper.”
(Actual lyric: “She was a day tripper.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“I live for all the ugly people.”
(Actual lyric: “Ah, look at all the lonely people.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“And when I touch you I feel happy inside./It’s such a feeling that my love, I get hives, I get hives, I get hives!”
(Actual lyric: “And when I touch you I feel happy inside./It’s such feeling that my love, I can’t hide, I can’t hide, I can’t hide!”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Lucy in disguise with lions.”
(Actual lyric: “Lucy in the sky with diamonds.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Lucy in the sigh which I meant.”
(Actual lyric: “Lucy in the sky with diamonds.”)
-- Anonymous

“Lucy’s getting high with Linus.”
(Actual lyric: “Lucy in the sky with diamonds.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Moosemeat in the sky with diamonds.”
(Actual lyric: “Lucy in the sky with diamonds.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Lucy and this guy are dying.”
(Actual lyric: “Lucy in the sky with diamonds.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Selling puppies on a tray.”
Actual lyric: “Selling poppies on a tray.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Bringing in the Sheets”
(Actual title: “Bringing in the Sheaves.”)
-- Karen T.

“Bringing in the Sheep.”
(Actual title: “Bringing in the Sheaves.”)
-- Karen T.

“We all live in the Amazon Marine.”
(Actual lyric: “We all live in a yellow submarine.”)
-- Stan Kegel

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

“Return da Zenda.”
(Actual lyric: “Return to sender.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Reverend Bluejeans.”
(Actual lyric: “Forever in blue jeans.”)
-- Mary Lee

“Searching for my lost singer from Mars.”
(Actual lyric: “Searching for my last shaker of salt.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“She loved Cheez-Its, and America too.”
(Actual lyric: “She loved Jesus, and America too.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Since she left me there’ve been owls pukin’ in my bed.”
(Actual lyric: “Since she put me down I ‘ve been out doin’ in my head.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“She’s got electric boobs, a mohair too.”
(Actual lyric: “She’s got electric boots, a mohair suit.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Slow walkin’ Walter.”
(Actual lyric: “Smoke on the water.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Snow covered horses.”
(Actual lyric: “Smoke on the water.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Stand on the rug.”
(Actual lyric: “Band on the run.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Man on the run.”
(Actual lyric: “Band on the run.”)
-- C.M.

“Stick your head in lotion.”
(Actual lyric: “I second that emotion.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Straight arm, straight arm for you.”
(Actual lyric: “Straight on, straight on for you.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Sugar fried honey butt.”
(Actual lyric: “Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Sweet dreams are made of cheese.”
(Actual lyric: “Sweet dreams are made of these.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Sweet tell a lie.”
(Actual lyric: “Sweet Caroline.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“The ants are my friends. They’re blowing in the wind.”
(Actual lyric: “The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Then I saw her face. Now I’m gonna leave her.”
(Actual lyric: “Then I saw her face. Now I’m a believer.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“You and me and Leslie.”
(Actual lyric: “You and me endlessly.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“You have lost your gum forever./Dreadful sorry, Clementine.”
(Actual lyric: “You are lost and gone forever./Dreadful sorry, Clementine.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“You made the rice, I made the gravy.”
(Actual lyric: You may be right, I may be crazy.”)
-- Stan Kegel

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

“Return da Zenda.”
(Actual lyric: “Return to sender.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Reverend Bluejeans.”
(Actual lyric: “Forever in blue jeans.”)
-- Mary Lee

“Searching for my lost singer from Mars.”
(Actual lyric: “Searching for my last shaker of salt.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“She loved Cheez-Its, and America too.”
(Actual lyric: “She loved Jesus, and America too.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Since she left me there’ve been owls pukin’ in my bed.”
(Actual lyric: “Since she put me down I ‘ve been out doin’ in my head.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“She’s got electric boobs, a mohair too.”
(Actual lyric: “She’s got electric boots, a mohair suit.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Slow walkin’ Walter.”
(Actual lyric: “Smoke on the water.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Snow covered horses.”
(Actual lyric: “Smoke on the water.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Stand on the rug.”
(Actual lyric: “Band on the run.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Man on the run.”
(Actual lyric: “Band on the run.”)
-- C.M.

“Stick your head in lotion.”
(Actual lyric: “I second that emotion.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Straight arm, straight arm for you.”
(Actual lyric: “Straight on, straight on for you.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Sugar fried honey butt.”
(Actual lyric: “Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Sweet dreams are made of cheese.”
(Actual lyric: “Sweet dreams are made of these.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Sweet tell a lie.”
(Actual lyric: “Sweet Caroline.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“The ants are my friends. They’re blowing in the wind.”
(Actual lyric: “The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Then I saw her face. Now I’m gonna leave her.”
(Actual lyric: “Then I saw her face. Now I’m a believer.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“You and me and Leslie.”
(Actual lyric: “You and me endlessly.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“You have lost your gum forever./Dreadful sorry, Clementine.”
(Actual lyric: “You are lost and gone forever./Dreadful sorry, Clementine.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“You made the rice, I made the gravy.”
(Actual lyric: You may be right, I may be crazy.”)
-- Stan Kegel

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard song lyrics, quotations, sayings, etc.

“Life in the Vaseline.”
(Actual lyric: “Life in the fast lane.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“And the rains came down, and the spuds came up.”
(Actual lyric: “And the rains came down, and the floods came up.”)
Bess Metcalf

“Look into my butterflies.”
(Actual lyric: “Look into my father’s eyes.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Looks like tomatoes.”
(Actual lyric: “Looks like we made it.”)
Stan Kegel

“Making toast, here in the moonlight.”
(Actual lyric: “Making vows, just won’t work right.”)
-- Morandir Armson

“Love is a big, fat, quivering slug.”
(Actual lyric: “Love is a big, fat river in flood.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Maybe I’ll play cards and be as fast as you.”
(Actual lyric: “Maybe I’ll break hearts and be as fast as you.”)
-- Anonymous

“Michelle, ma belle./Sunday monkey play no piano song.”
(Actual lyric: “Michelle, ma belle./Sont des mots qui vent très bien ensemble.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Stand aside, sir, and guide her/With delight through the light from a bulb.”
(Actual lyric: “Stand beside her, and guide her/Through the night with the light from above.”)
Richard Lederer

“My woman is okay-O.”
(Actual lyric: “My woman from Tokyo.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“George to the world,/All the girls and boys./George to the fishes in the deep blue sea./George to you and me.”
(Actual lyric: “Joy to the world,/All the boys and girls./ Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea./Joy to you and me.”)
-- Cynthia Cavitt

“A new religion that’ll bring you to your knees/Like Velveeta Cheese.”
(Actual lyric: “A new religion that’ll bring you to your knees/Black velvet if you please.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Oh, my darling lemon pie.”
(Actual lyric: “Oh my darling, Clementine.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Territory ocean stick together/Territory ocean all be pals.”
(Actual lyric: “Territory folks should stick together/Territory folks should all be pals.”)
-- C.M.

“Only the good Tyrone.”
(Actual lyric: “Only the good die young.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Take the back right turn.”
(Actual lyric: “Paperback writer.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Pay for my Chrysler.”
(Actual lyric: “Paperback writer.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Pay the black writer.”
(Actual lyric: “Paperback writer.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“America, America,/God’s red Chef Boyardee.”
(Actual lyric: “America, America,/God shed his grace on thee.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Please relieve me - let me go.”
(Actual lyric: “Please release me, let me go.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“He has trampled out the vintage/Where the great giraffes are stored.”
(Actual lyric: “He is trampling through the vintage/Where the grapes of wrath are stored.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Pretty woman, won’t you lick my leg?”
(Actual lyric: “Pretty Woman, won’t you look my way?”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Red, red wine, steak, lobster meat.”
(Actual lyric: “Red, red wine, stay close to me.”)
-- Stan Kegel

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard song lyrics, sayings, quotations, etc.


“Looks Like tomatoes.”
(Actual lyric: “Looks like we made it.”)
-- Rita Wilkenfeld

“I’m a pool hall ace.”
(Actual lyric: “My poor heart aches.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“I’m just a squirrel.”
(Actual lyric: “I’m just a girl.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“I’m not talking ’bout Bolivia.”
(Actual lyric: “I’m not talking ’bout moving in with ya.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“I’m not talkin’ ’bout Lavinia.”
(Actual lyric: “I’m not talking ’bout moving in with ya.”)
-- C.M.

“I’m not talking ’bout meridian.”
(Actual lyric: “I’m not talking ’bout moving in with ya.”)
-- C.M.

“I’m not talking ’bout millenium.”
(Actual lyric: “I’m not talking ’bout moving in with ya.”)
-- Diane in Texas

“I’ve been haulin’ ass so long.”
(Actual lyric: “I’ve been holding out so long.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“I’ve got a new pair of shoes.”
(Actual lyric: “I’ve got a new attitude.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“I’m the god of Velveeta, honey.”
(Actual lyric: “In the garden of Eden, honey.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, you’re cool.”
(Actual lyric: “Chain, chain, chain, chain of fools.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Goin’ to a Boat Show.”
(Actual title: “Goin’ to a Go-Go.”)
-- Terri

“Jim Dandy ate the red stew.”
(Actual lyric: “Jim Dandy to the rescue.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Just brush my teeth before you leave me, baby.”
(Actual lyric: “Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Just like a one-winged dove.”
(Actual lyric: Just like a white-winged dove.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Knee deep in doughnuts, children at your feet.”
(Actual lyric: “Lady Madonna, children at your feet.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Let Milo open the door.”
(Actual lyric: “Let my love open the door.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Last night I dreamt of some bagels.”
(Actual lyric: “Last night I dreamt of San Pedro.”)
-- Lynne

“Life ain’t nothing but a seven-dollar fiddle.”
(Actual lyric: “Life ain’t nothing but a funny funny riddle.”)
-- Stan Kegel

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard expressions, quotes, sayings, etc.

“Do a little dance, make a little rum./Italian Ice! Italian Ice!”
(Actual lyric: “Do a little dance, make a little love./Get down tonight,
get down tonight.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Do the lucky lady.”
(Actual lyric: “Dude looks like a lady.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Picture yourself in a rain in a station/With matiscene mortars and looking mass eyes”
(Actual lyric: “Picture yourself on a train in a station/With plasticine porters with looking glass ties.”)
-- Lezlie

“Donuts make my brown eyes blue.”
(Actual lyric: “Don’t it make my brown eyes blue.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Every time you go away you take a piece of meat with you.”
(Actual lyric: “Every time you go away you take a piece of me with you.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Ghost man so close to me.”
(Actual lyric: “Don’t stand so close to me.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Give me the Beach Boys and free my soul.”
(Actual lyric: “Give me the beat, boys, and free my soul.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Goin’ to the Jack-O-Lantern. Gonna get married.”
(Actual lyric: “Goin’ to the chapel and we’re gonna get married.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Got a lot of lucky peanuts.”
(Actual lyric: “Got a lot of love between us.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Good-bye yellow brick road./There’s a dark cloud inside of the house.”
(Actual lyric: “Goodbye yellow brick road/Where the dogs of society howl.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Ham on rye.”
(Actual lyric: “I’m all right.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Hang on, stupid./Stupid hang on.”
(Actual lyric: “Hang on, Sloopy./Sloopy hang on.”)
-- Judith Ann Marks

“Happy as a rafter in the market place.”
(Actual lyric: “Happy ever after in the market place.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Hold me closer, Tony Danza./Count the head lice on the highway.”
(Actual lyric: “Hold me closer, tiny dancer./Count the headlights on the highway.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Home, where my love lies waiting. Simon, weep for me.”
(Actual lyric: “Home, where my love lies waiting silently for me.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Hope the city voted for you.”
(Actual lyric: “Hopelessly devoted to you.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“How’s about a date?”
(Actual lyric: Eyes without a face.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“When a man loves a walnut”
(Actual lyric: “When a man loves a woman.”)
-- Marveen

“I can see clearly now the rain has gone./I can see all life’s fickles in the way.”
(Actual lyric: “I can see clearly now the rain has gone./I can see all obstacles in my way.”)
-- Stan Kegel