Star Wars bloopers.

Doesn't get much better than celebrities mucking up on the job.

Time for more bloopers.

This time Hugh Laurie with his crazy House accent is up to bat.

Sports bloopers.

I really have a thing for people screwing up, don't I?

More bloopers.

This time, though, they're from Pirates of the Caribbean. I went out and got the larger versions of each of the movies JUST to watch these bloopers, and then I find out they're all on YouTube anyway. Depressing. (These are all from the first movie.)

Friends bloopers.

I've been watching this show a lot lately, for some reason, and somehow the cast screwing up is even better than the proper material. Enjoy.

Funny TV bloopers.

Sure one's from Pirates of the Caribbean, but don't let that stop you.

We've lately been running mondegreens in this space. Close cousins to mondegreens are malaprops. As with the mondegreens we've been running here, I have provided the correct wording below each malaprop or other error, for those of you who may recognize an error as such but momentarily cannot think what word was intended.


Tug o’ war
(Intended name: Tupperware)
-- Marian Allen

Bear-whipping sauce
(Intended term: berry-dipping sauce.)
-- Marian Allen

Sunscream
(Intended word: sunscreen.)
-- Jeanie Mellick, Martinez, GA

Black guy peas.
(Intended term: black-eye peas)
-- Lynne McSweeney, Savannah, GA

Lip cream.
(Intended term: whipped cream)
-- Lynne McSweeney, Savannah, GA

That’s prior for the course.
(Correct expression: That’s par for the course.)
-- Vicki Marrin

That’s sixty one, half a dozen to the other.
(Correct expression: Six of one, half a dozen of the other.)
-- Vicki Marrin

Well, that’s water over the bridge.
(Correct expression: either That’s water under the bridge or That’s water over the dam.)
-- Vicki Marrin

Too many hands in the fire.
(Correct expression: too many irons in the fire.)
-- Vicki Marrin

Butt naked
(Correct expression: buck naked.)
-- Vicki Marrin

I’m as happy as lard. (Misspoken by a man for whom English is his second language)
(Correct expression: As happy as a lark.)
-- Anonymous

Malaprops

We've lately been running mondegreens in this space. Close cousins to mondegreens are malaprops. As with the mondegreens we've been running here, I have provided the correct wording below each malaprop or other error, for those of you who may recognize an error as such but momentarily cannot think what word was intended.

Guard rail
(Intended term: ring guard.)
-- Anonymous

Walter Matthews
(Intended name: Walter Matthau.)
-- Anonymous

Derricks in the bus station
(Intended word: derelicts.)
-- Anonymous

Every nook and corner
(Intended word: cranny.)
-- Anonymous

Hotty totty
(Intended expression: hoity toity)
-- Anonymous

Cellar phone
(Intended word: cellular)
-- Anonymous

Hospic
(Intended word: hospice)
-- Anonymous

Baccalaurea
(Intended word: baccalaureate)
-- Anonymous

Toys For Us
(Intended name: Toys R Us)
-- Anonymous

Peddles Flintstone
(Intended name: Pebbles)
-- Anonymous

Impersonable
(Intended word: impressionable)
-- Anonymous

Nudist column
(Intended word: colony)
-- Anonymous

High geranium
(Intended word: hydrangea)
-- Anonymous

Colanders
(Intended word: columns [reference was to architectural features])
-- Anonymous

Hemlock maneuver
(Intended term: Heimlich maneuver)
-- Anonymous

Shrader-rader
(Intended word: refrigerator [speaker was a child])
-- Biglee

Information Cooperation
(Intended name: Emancipation Proclamation.)
-- Frances Bunn, Snow Hill, NC.

Hiccup truck
(Intended word: pick-up)
-- Christine Hamilton

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, quotations, sayings, and the like


“God meets our knees.”
(Actual title of Sunday School lesson: “God meets our needs.”)
-- Jeanie from Augusta, GA

“Mount Mushmore.”
(Actual place name: “Mount Rushmore.”)
-- Muriel

“Big mouse bass”
(Correct name of fish: “Big-mouth bass.”)
-- Elisabeth

“Foot feet”
(Correct old-time name for gas pedal: “Foot feed.”)
-- Gail Peters

“Chester drawer”
(Correct name of furniture: “Chest of drawers.”)
-- Gail Peters

“The statue of Liverty”
(Correct name: “The statue of Liberty.”)
-- Evelyne

“Potatoes Hog Rotten”
(Correct name of dish: “Potatoes au gratin.”)
-- Doug B., near Chicago

“On your market, set, go.”
(Correct wording: “On your mark, get set, go.”)
-- C.M.

“Fashada before I wake.”
(Correct wording: “If I should die before I wake.”)
-- Rita Wilkenfeld

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, quotes, sayings, and the like

“Hairy Vents”
(Actual name of local business in contributor’s area: “Hair Events.”)
-- Frances McCunnie via Jeff Symonds

“Cinnamonship”
(Correct version: “Citizenship”)
-- Michele Ash

[Misheard announcement in school, repeated by an excited young boy:] “The Super-Nintendo is coming!”
(Actual announcement he had misheard and misquoted: “The superintendent is coming.”)
-- Minna Choe via Jeff Symonds

“And lead a snot into temptation.”
(Correct version: “And lead us not into temptation.”)
-- K. Haviland via Jeff Symonds

“A pen is saved, a pen is burned.”
(Correct version: “A penny saved is a penny earned.”)
-- Anonymous

“Thou shalt not cover thy neighbor’s wife.”
(Correct version: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”)
-- Anonymous

“Thou shalt not make unto thee a brazen image.”
(Correct version: “Thou shalt not make unto thee a graven image.”)
-- C.M.

“Pray for the missionaries in the cornfield.”
(Actual words of the prayer: “Pray for the missionaries in the foreign field.”)
-- Chris

“Goodness greyfish!”
(Correct version: “Goodness gracious!”)
-- Jodell

“For all intensive purposes.”
(Correct version: “For all intents and purposes.”)
-- Kay

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, sayings, quotations, and the like

The Whizzer Daws
(Correct title: The Wizard of Oz)
-- Diana C.

“Paper View TV”
(Correct version: “Pay-per-view TV”)
-- Stan Kegel

“It’s a doggy-dog world.”
(Correct version: “It’s a dog-eat-dog world.”)
-- Frances Y. J. Wheeler

“Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life”
(Correct version: ”Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.”)
-- Clare

“This is a day that will live in infantry.”
(Correct version: “This is a day that will live in infamy.”)
-- C.M.

“And lead us not into Penn Station,”
(Correct version: “And lead us not into temptation.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“But deliver us some e-mail.”
(Correct version: “But deiver us from evil.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Nip it in the butt.”
(Correct version: “Nip it in the bud.”)
~Lauré Smith, North Hollywood, Ca.

[This next may not strictly qualify as a mondegreen, since both the mis-spoken version and the correct one sound identical. It’s all in what you think you’re hearing…or saying. The contributor says this one resulted from her mis-hearing a term used on Women’s Professional Billiards broadcasts.]
“Won-loss bracket.”
[Correct version: “One-loss bracket.”]
-- Anonymous out west

“And to the Republican, Richard Stans....”
(Correct version: “And to the republic, for which it stands…”.)
-- Marveen

“Lonely child”
(Correct version: “Only child.”)
-- Michele Ash

[This one, from Bess W. Metcalf, requires a little explanation. Bess says that her mother, many years ago, overheard Bess’s little brothers and sisters playing wedding. They had recently attended a marriage ceremony performed by their father, a pastor, and had the routine memorized. The young “minister” intoned:]
“Do you take this woman to be your awful wedded wife?”
(Correct version: “Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?”)
-- Bess W. Metcalf

“One Asian, under guard,”
(Correct version: “One nation, under God,”)
-- C.M.

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, sayings, quotations, and the like

Though song lyrics (which we've looked at in this space for the last couple of weeks) are the richest vein for mining mondegreens, proverbs, commercials, prayers, and most any other form of the spoken word are fodder for mondegreens too. If you can hear it, you can mis-hear it, and mis-quote it, and turn it into a mondegreen.


“Neck store neighbor.”
(Correct version: “Next-door neighbor.”)
-- C.M.

“Force corps and seven years ago...”
(Correct version: “Four score and seven years ago…”)
-- Gary Hallock

“Like two peas in a pot.”
(Correct version: Like two peas in a pod.)
-- Lauré Smith, North Hollywood, Ca.

“Give us this day our jelly bread.”
(Correct version: “Give us this day our daily bread.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Very close veins.”
(Correct version: “Varicose veins.”)
-- Anonymous

“Mary, Mary, quite contrary,/How does your garden grow?/With silver bells
And Taco Bells,/And pretty maids all in a bow.”
(Correct version: “Mary, Mary, quite contrary,/How does your garden grow?/With silver bells and cockleshells,/And pretty maids all in a row.”)
-- Mabird

“One naked individual.”
(Correct version—this was before the words “under God” were added to the Pledge in the ’50s: “One nation indivisible.”)
-- Kendy Wilson

“In the name of the Father, the Son and the holy goat.”
(Correct version: “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the holy ghost.”)
-- Diana C

“Hail, Mary, full of grapes.”
(Correct version: “Hail, Mary, full of grace.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“Hail Mary, full of grace, how does your garden grow?”
(Correct wording: “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.”)
-- Chris

“Our Father, who are in Heaven, Howard be thy name.”
(Correct version: “Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“Our Father, who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?”
(Correct version: “Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“Our Father Which art in heaven, Harold be Thy name.”
(Correct wording: “Our Father Which art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.”)
-- Sohli Dalal

“Our Father, Who does art in heaven.”
(Correct wording: “Our Father Who art in heaven.”)
-- Anonymous

“And forgive us our trash baskets,/As we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”
(Correct wording: “And forgive us our trespasses/As we forgive those who trespass against us.”)
-- Anonymous

“Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses.”
(Correct version: “Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“Give us this day our jelly bread.”
(Correct version: “Give us this day our daily bread.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“He suffered under a bunch of violets.”
(Correct version: “He suffered under Pontius Pilate.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, sayings, quotations, and the like


“Olive, the other reindeer,”
(Actual lyric: “All of the other reindeer”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Round John Virgin, mother and child.”
(Actual lyric: “Round yon virgin mother and child”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Oh atom bomb, oh atom bomb.”
(Actual lyric: “O tannenbaum, o tannenbaum.”)
-- Anonymous

“I led the pigeons to the flag of the United States of America.”
(Correct words: “I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.”)
-- Marveen

“I pledge the pigeons to the flag of the United States of America.”
(Correct words: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America.”)
-- Richard Lederer

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard, misunderstood song lyrics, qotes, sayings, etc


“With the jelly toast proclaim,”
(Actual lyric: “With th’ angelic host proclaim,”)
-- Richard Lederer

“On the first day of Christmas my tulip gave to me…”
(Actual lyric: “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Walkin’ in a woman’s underwear.”
(Actual lyric: “Walkin’ in a winter wonderland.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Later on, wilke and spire.”
(Actual lyric: “Later on, we’ll conspire.”)
-- Marcia from San Diego, CA

“Here to stay is the nude bird.”
(Actual lyric: “Here to stay is a new bird.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“He’s making a list, chicken and rice.”
(Actual lyric: “He’s making a list and checkin’ it twice.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“While shepherds walked their fox by night.”
(Actual lyric: “While shepherds watched their flocks by night.”)
-- Anonymous

“While shepherds washed their socks by night.”
(Actual lyric: “While shepherds watched their flocks by night.”)
-- Betty Ross-Robinson

“God rescues merry gentlemen.”
(Actual lyric: “God rest ye merry, gentlemen.”)
--Jean Turner

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, quotations, sayings, and the like

“Outside the snow is falling,/And friends are calling, ‘You fool!’”
(Actual lyric: “Outside the snow is falling,/And friends are calling, ‘You-hoo!’”)
-- Anonymous

“We free kings of Oregon are.”
(Actual lyric: “We three kings of Orient are.”)
-- Anonymous

“King forever, seasoned leather.”
(Actual lyric: “King forever, ceasing never.”)
-- Anonymous

“Mere is mighty bitter perfume.”
(Actual lyric: “Myrrh is mine. Its bitter perfume….”)
-- Anonymous

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,/Just like the wands I used to know.”
(Actual lyric: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,/Just like the ones I used to know.”)
-- Anonymous

“In the meadow we can build a snowman,/Then pretend that he is sparse and brown.”
(Actual lyric: “In the meadow we can build a snowman,/Then pretend that he is Parson Brown.”)
-- Anonymous

“In the meadow weevils built a snowman.”
(Actual lyric: “In the meadow we will build a snowman.”)
-- Gary Hallock

“Chipmunks roasting on an open fire.”
(Actual lyric: “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire.”)
-- Anonymous

“You’ll tell Carol, ‘Be a skunk, I require.’”
(Actual lyric: “Yuletide carols being sung by a fire.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Hark and Harold, angels, sing.”
(Actual lyric: “Hark, the herald angels sing.”)
-- Betsy

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard misunderstood song lyrics, quotes, sayings, and such

“We three kings of porridge and tar.”
(Actual lyric: “We three kings of Orient are.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Joy to the world!/The Lord has gum.”
(Actual lyric: “Joy to the world,/The Lord is come.”)
-- Anonymous

“Here came the white men from Orioles’ land.”
(Actual lyric: “Here came the wise men from Orient land.”)
-- Anonymous

“Sing, choirs of angels./Sing on eggs all stationed.”
(Actual lyric: “Sing, choirs of angels./Sing in exaltation.”)
-- Anonymous

“The kids and girls in boy land.”
(Actual lyric: “The kids in girl and boy land.”)
-- C.M.

“They’re going to build a toilet down.”
(“They’re going to build a toyland town”)
-- Anonymous

“Round John Virgin, mother, and child.”
(Actual lyric: “Round yon Virgin mother and child.”)
-- Anonymous

“Round yon Virgin, margarine child.”
(Actual lyric: “Round yon virgin mother and child.”)
-- Anonymous

“Love your virgin, mother and child”
(Actual lyric: “Round yon mother virgin and child.”)
-- Evelyne

“Sleep in heavenly peas.”
(Actual lyric: “Sleep in heavenly peace.”)
-- Anonymous

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

MONDEGREENS: MIS-HEARD, MIS-UNDERSTOOD SONG LYRICS, QUOTATIONS, SAYINGS, ETC.

“Gath’ring wine and gruel.”
(Actual lyric: “Gath’ring winter fuel.”)
-- Anonymous

“Hark the Harold angels sing.”
(Actual lyric: “Hark the herald angels sing.”)
-- Anonymous

“Glory to the New York King.”
(Actual lyric: “Glory to the newborn king.”)
-- Anonymous

“Goddamn sinners reckon sighed.”
(Actual lyric: “God and sinners reconciled.”)
-- Anonymous

“Goddamn sinners wreck a child.”
(Actual lyric: “God and sinners reconciled.)
-- Anonymous

“Joyful oily nations, rise.”
(Actual lyric: “Joyful all ye nations rise.”)
-- Anonymous

“Join the triumph of disguise.”
(Actual lyric: “Join the triumph of the skies.”)
-- Anonymous

“With the jelly toast proclaim.”
(Actual lyric: “With th’ angelic host proclaim.”)
-- Anonymous

“Bells on Bob’s tail ring.”
(Actual lyric: “Bells on bobtail ring.”)
-- Anonymous

“Bells on bobtail ring,/Making spareribs bright.”
(Actual lyric: “Bells on bobtail ring,/Making spirits bright.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Oh, what fun it is to ride/With one horse, soap, and sleigh.”
(Actual lyric: “Oh, what fun it is to ride/In a one-horse open sleigh.”)
-- Anonymous

“Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap, and hay.”
(Actual lyric: “Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“A one-horse soap in sleigh.”
(Actual lyric: “A one-horse open sleigh.”)
Elizabeth Gessner McAllister

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard, misunderstood song lyrics, quotes, sayings, etc.

“Deck the halls with bells of jolly.”
(Actual lyric: “Deck the halls with boughs of holly.”)
-- Anonymous

“Strike the harp, enjoy the florist.”
(Actual lyric: “Strike the harp and join the chorus.”)
-- Anonymous

“Strike the heart, and join the chorus.”
(Actual lyric: “Strike the harp and join the chorus.”)
-- Anonymous

“Don we now our day of peril.”
(Actual lyric: “Don we now our gay apparel.”)
-- Anonymous

“Jolly Old St. Nicholas,/Clean your ear this way.”
(Actual lyric: “Jolly Old St. Nicholas,/Lean your ear this way.”)
-- Bob Dvorak

“Police car ahead.”
(Actual lyric: “Feliz Navidad.”)
-- Anonymous

“Police got my dad.”
(Actual lyric: “Feliz Navidad.”)
-- Anonymous

“Fleas on your butt”
(Actual lyric: “Feliz Navidad.”)
-- Marian Allen

“There’s fleas on your dad.”
(Actual lyric: “Feliz Navidad.”)
-- Anonymous

“The first Noel,/The angels did say,/Was to frighten poor shepherds/In fields as they lay.”
(Actual lyric: “The first Noel,/The angels did say,/Was to certain poor shepherds/In fields as they lay.”)
-- Anonymous

“Barney’s the King of Israel.”
(Actual lyric: “Born is the King of Israel.”)
-- Anonymous

“Frosty the Snowman/Is a ferret elf they say.”
(Actual lyric: “Frosty the Snowman/Is a fairy tale they say.”)
-- Anonymous

“With a corncob pipe and a bloody nose.”
(Actual lyric: “With a corncob pipe and a button nose.”)
-- Anonymous

“Get dressed, ye married gentlemen.”
(Actually lyric: “God rest ye merry, gentlemen.”)
-- Anonymous

“Good King Wences’ car backed out/On the feet of heathens.”
(Actual lyric: “Good King Wenceslas looked out/On the feast of Stephen.”)
-- Anonymous

“Good King Wences’ car backed out/On a piece of Stephen.”
(Actual lyric: “Good King Wenceslas looked out/On the feast of Stephen.”)
Richard Lederer

“Good king wants his applesauce/At the feast this evening.”
(Actual lyric: “Good King Wenceslas looked out/On the feast of Stephen.”
-- Anonymous

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard, misunderstood song lyrics, quotations, sayings, and the like

Born free, as free as the willows.”
(Actual lyric: “Born free, as free as the wind blows.”)
-- Eric Storm

“What a friend we have in cheeses.”
(Actual lyric: “What a friend we have in Jesus.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Round yon virgin mother and child/Holy infantry, tender and mild....”
(Actual lyric: “Round yon virgin mother and child/Holy infant so tender and mild….”)
-- Unnamed source quoted in Stan Kegel’s ezine, Puns of the Day

“Roundy - on virgin.”
(Actual lyric: “Round yon virgin.”)
Neil Woodward

“Holy Vincent, so tender and mild.”
(Actual lyric: Holy infant, so tender and mild.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“I’ll be home for Christmas,/But homely in my dreams.”
(Actual lyric: “I’ll be home for Christmas,/But only in my dreams.”)
-- Bob Dvorak

“They wouldn’t let poor Rudolph join in ninny reindeer games.”
(Actual lyric: “They wouldn’t let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.”)
-- Gary Hallock

“Then one smoggy piss mess eve...”
(Actual lyric: “Then one foggy Chirstmas eve.”)
-- Dawn

“You’ll go down in Listerine.”
(Actual lyric: “You’ll go down in history.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Displayed my breast for him...pa’s-rump a pom pom.”
(Actual lyric: “I played my best for him. Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum.”)
-- Gary Hallock

“Deck the halls with Buddy Holly.”
(Actual lyric: “Deck the halls with boughs of holly.”)
-- Anonymous

“Deck the halls with Bowson’s Harley.”
(Actual lyric: “Deck the halls with boughs of holly.”)
-- Anonymous

A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Misheard, misunderstood song lyrics, sayings, quotes, etc

“This is the dawning of the age of asparagus.”
(Actual lyric: “This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“It’s been three years since I broke my nose.”
(Actual lyric: “It’s been three years since I wrote my note.”)
-- Stacy Silva

“My country is ugly,”
(Actual lyric: “My country, ’tis of thee,”)
-- Jane Stanze in Webster Groves, MO

“Take your pants down and make it happen.”
(Actual lyric: “Take your passion and make it happen.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Oh, no, not in springtime, summer, winter or all.”
(Actual lyric: “Oh, no, not in springtime, summer, winter, or fall.”)
-- Jo Wake

“Spiderman, Spiderman,/Does whatever a spider can./Spins a web,/Then he sighs.”
(Actual lyric: “Spiderman, Spiderman,/Does whatever a spider can./Spins a web,/Any size.”)
-- the mother of Matthew, in New York, age five

“Clown control to Mao Tse-Tung.”
(Actual lyric: “Ground control to Major Tom.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“I am a rock, I am an onion.”
(Actual lyric: “I am a rock, I am an island.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“One of these days all of my thumbs are gonna be fingers.”
(Actual lyric: “One of these days all of my friends are gonna be strangers.”)
-- Vivian

“I got shoes. They’re made of plywood.”
(Actual lyric: “I got chills. They’re multiplying.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Third grade romance.”
(Actual lyric: “Third-rate romance”)
-- Myrna Dooley

“Rap City in Blue.”
(Actual title: “Rhapsody in Blue.”)
-- Richard Lederer

”What’s for dinner, mountain mama?/Take me home, country roads.”
(Actual lyric: “West Virginia, mountain mama./Take me home, country roads.”)
-- Jean Turner

“And here’s to you, Mrs. Rubber Thumb.”
(Actual lyric: “And here’s to you, Mrs. Robinson.”)
~~Kathy Epeneter

“Jacques, the monkey.”
(Actual lyric: “Shock the monkey.”)
-- Stan Kegel

“Brown Cow”
(Actual lyric: “Downtown.”)
-- Anonymous out west

“Glorified version of a pelican.”
(Actual lyric: “Glorified version of a pellet gun.”)
-- Anonymous