UNIVERSAL LAWS

Credit: Stan Kegel

UNIVERSAL LAWS



1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with 
grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.



2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will 
roll to the least accessible corner.



3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly 
proportional to the stupidity of your act.



4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a 
busy signal and someone always answers.



5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work 
because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a 
flat tire.



6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you 
were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works 
every time).



7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the 
telephone rings.



8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you 
know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want 
to be seen with.



9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine 
won't work, it will.



10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely 
proportional to the reach.



11. Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are 
furthest from the aisle arrive last.



12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot 
coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until 
the coffee is cold.



13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker 
room, they will have adjacent lockers.



14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly 
sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated 
to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.



15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know 
what you are talking about.



16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're 
ugly.



17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.



18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you 
find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.



19.. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go 
to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't 
make an appointment and you'll stay sick.