An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
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These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.'
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THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
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Always Remember This: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
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