Why Women Have It Better

We got off the Titanic first.

We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

Our boy friend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like complete idiots in ours.

We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

We can cry and get off speeding fines.

We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

Taxis stop for us.

Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies. (You get the point).

We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

We know The Truth about whether size matters.

New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling.

Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.

No fashion faus pas we make could rival The Speedo.

We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected.

If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass.

If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still here.

If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

We have the ability to dress ourselves.

We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month.

We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.

We'll never regret piercing our ears.

We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.

We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

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