A MOTLEY MELANGE OF MONDEGREENS

Mondegreens: Mis-heard, misunderstood song lyrics, sayings, quotations, and the like

Though song lyrics (which we've looked at in this space for the last couple of weeks) are the richest vein for mining mondegreens, proverbs, commercials, prayers, and most any other form of the spoken word are fodder for mondegreens too. If you can hear it, you can mis-hear it, and mis-quote it, and turn it into a mondegreen.


“Neck store neighbor.”
(Correct version: “Next-door neighbor.”)
-- C.M.

“Force corps and seven years ago...”
(Correct version: “Four score and seven years ago…”)
-- Gary Hallock

“Like two peas in a pot.”
(Correct version: Like two peas in a pod.)
-- Lauré Smith, North Hollywood, Ca.

“Give us this day our jelly bread.”
(Correct version: “Give us this day our daily bread.”)
-- Richard Lederer

“Very close veins.”
(Correct version: “Varicose veins.”)
-- Anonymous

“Mary, Mary, quite contrary,/How does your garden grow?/With silver bells
And Taco Bells,/And pretty maids all in a bow.”
(Correct version: “Mary, Mary, quite contrary,/How does your garden grow?/With silver bells and cockleshells,/And pretty maids all in a row.”)
-- Mabird

“One naked individual.”
(Correct version—this was before the words “under God” were added to the Pledge in the ’50s: “One nation indivisible.”)
-- Kendy Wilson

“In the name of the Father, the Son and the holy goat.”
(Correct version: “In the name of the Father, the Son, and the holy ghost.”)
-- Diana C

“Hail, Mary, full of grapes.”
(Correct version: “Hail, Mary, full of grace.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“Hail Mary, full of grace, how does your garden grow?”
(Correct wording: “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.”)
-- Chris

“Our Father, who are in Heaven, Howard be thy name.”
(Correct version: “Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“Our Father, who art in Heaven, how didja know my name?”
(Correct version: “Our Father, Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“Our Father Which art in heaven, Harold be Thy name.”
(Correct wording: “Our Father Which art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.”)
-- Sohli Dalal

“Our Father, Who does art in heaven.”
(Correct wording: “Our Father Who art in heaven.”)
-- Anonymous

“And forgive us our trash baskets,/As we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”
(Correct wording: “And forgive us our trespasses/As we forgive those who trespass against us.”)
-- Anonymous

“Give us this steak and daily bread, and forgive us our mattresses.”
(Correct version: “Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“Give us this day our jelly bread.”
(Correct version: “Give us this day our daily bread.”)
-- Bess Metcalf

“He suffered under a bunch of violets.”
(Correct version: “He suffered under Pontius Pilate.”)
-- Bess Metcalf