Top Ten Late Nite Jokes on Healthcare Reform

1. "The health care bill was introduced yesterday. It's 1,990 pages long and costs $894 billion dollars. Or $2.2 million per word. That makes them the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished.'" --Jimmy Fallon

2. "If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.'" --Bill Maher

3. "Not such a great day for the health care reform. The so-called public option died on the Senate floor today. It could have survived, but apparently it had a pre-existing condition." –Craig Ferguson

4. "President Obama says he will not support a health-care plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, 'pull the plug on Grandma.' Apparently, Obama's plan calls for the much quicker pillow option." --Conan O'Brien

5. "Rush Limbaugh says if the health care bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew that, they would have passed the bill years ago." --Craig Ferguson

6. "Barack Obama has been working hard to push his healthcare proposal. Obama still wants the bill to be bipartisan, but he's a realist, and given the near unanimous Republican opposition he's facing, now says he'd be satisfied if the bill was just bicurious." --Jimmy Kimmel

7. "The health care overhaul will extend coverage to 30 million people who are uninsured, or, as Walmart calls them, employees." –Jimmy Fallon

8. "Congressman John Boehner told a crowd of protesters yesterday that the new health care bill was the 'greatest threat to freedom he's ever seen.' And then the Taliban was like, 'Uh, helloooo? What?!'" –Jimmy Fallon

9. "To win passage for this health-care bill, President Obama went up to Capitol Hill and personally lobbied some of the wavering congressmen. And of course, the health insurance industry, they were very upset. You know, they said they bought and paid for these congressmen, he has no right to go up to them and talk to them." –Jay Leno

10. "The big news was the Senate yesterday - the finance committee - rejected the Democrats' health-care plan, the one with the public option. Meanwhile, the Republicans are offering their own health-care plan. It's called, 'Stop Crying and Take an Advil.'" --Jimmy Fallon


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