JEST FOR FUN- - Religious humor

There were two men shipwrecked on this island. The minute they got on to the island one of them started screaming and yelling, “We’re going to die! We’re going to die! There’s no food! No water! We’re going to Die!”

The second man was propped up against a palm tree and acting so calmly it drove the first man crazy. “Don’t you understand? We’re going to die!”

The second man replied, “You don’t understand, I make $100,000.00 a week.”

The first man looked at him quite dumbfounded and asked, “What difference does that make? We’re on an island with no food and no water! We’re going to DIE!!!”

The second man answered, “You just don’t get it. I make $100,000.00 a week and I tithe ten percent on that $100,000.00 a week.

My pastor will find me!”

**

Two elderly, excited women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, “AMEN, BROTHER!”When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, “PREACH IT, REVEREND!” And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, “RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS... AMEN!” But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet. One turned to the other and said, “He’s quit preaching and now he’s meddlin’.”

**

A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” and showed it to each passing car. One driver who drove by didn’t appreciate the sign and shouted at them, “Leave us alone, you religious nuts!”

All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, “You think maybe we should have just said ‘Bridge Out’ instead?”

**

A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the police raided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officer said,"Father Murphy, were you gambling?"

Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered, "Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do." To the police officer, he then said, "No, officer; I was not gambling."

The officer then asked the minister, "Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?"

Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replied,"No, officer; I was not gambling."

Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asked, "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?"

Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replied, "With whom?"

**

The Catholic Church's air conditioning broke down, so they had to hire a man to crawl around in the ducts and figure out what was wrong. As the man peeked down through one of the vents in the sanctuary, he saw little old Mrs. Murphy kneeling by the altar, apparently saying her rosary. Since the man was not a Catholic but a fundamentalist, he thought it'd be funny to try and mess with the lady's mind. In his best authoritative voice, he said, "This is Jesus. Your prayers will be answered." The little old lady didn't even blink, just kept on saying her prayers.

The man decided maybe she didn't hear him, and tried again. "This is Jesus, the Son of God! Your prayers will be answered!" Again, she didn't react at all. Mustering up a big breath of air, the man decided to try again. "THIS IS JESUS CHRIST, THE SON OF GOD! YOUR PRAYERS WILL BE ANSWERED!"

The lady looked up and said, "SHUT UP! I'M TALKING TO YOUR MOTHER!"