Poor newspaper headlines.

Some newsmen just don't think their writing through. Enjoy.

* 4-H Girls Win Prizes for Fat Calves
* After Detour to California Shuttle Returns to Earth
* Air Head Fired
* Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
* Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
* Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
* Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
* Big Ugly Woman Wins Beauty Pageant (Newspaper in town of Big Ugly, WV)
* Blind Bishop Appointed to See
* Body Search Reveals $4,000 in Crack (from the Jackson Citizen-Patriot, Michigan)
* British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
* British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
* Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy (from the Louisville Courier Journal)
* Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
* Dealers Will Hear Car Talk at Noon
* Deer Kill 17,328 (Damn it, who keeps selling guns to those deer?)
* Disciples of Christ Name Interim Leader (from Los Angeles Times) (Apparently they got tired of waiting for Christ to return...)
* Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
* Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84. (They were paid for being drunk? I want that job!)
* Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
* Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax (First it's the deer, now it's the cows. Disarm those cows now!)
* Eye Drops off Shelf
* Farmer Bill Dies in House
* Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin
* Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors (from the Providence Journal)(They grow 'em bic in Providence.)
* Include your Children When Baking Cookies
* Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
* Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
* Jerk Injures Neck, Wins Award (from the Buffalo News)
* Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
* Kids Make Nutritious Snacks (Yum! Eat those kids, and reduce the population.)
* Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years (from the Post News)
* L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide
* Lack of brains hinders research (The Columbus Dispatch, April 16)
* Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
* Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty
* Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice (In my experience, they give poor paid legal advice, too.)
* Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests
* Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty (Is he suggesting adding torture and quartering to it?)
* Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half (From the Valley News)
* Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
* Man Jumps Off Bridge. Neither Jumper nor Body Found
* Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing (from The Sun)
* Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
* March Planned For Next August
* Messiah Climaxes In Chorus Of Hallelujahs (The Anchorage, Alaska Times)
* Milk Drinkers are Turning to Powder
* Miners Refuse to Work After Death
* Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
* New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
* New Vaccine may Contain Rabies
* Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe Out Literacy (And based on this headline, they are succeeding.)
* Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
* Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over (from The Overland News)
* Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through
* Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
* Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
* Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff (Bet that hurt!)
* Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
* Publicize Your Business Absolutely Free! Just send $6.00 (Entrepreneur Magazine ad)
* Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped (from The Times, in the U.K.)
* Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
* Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
* Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
* Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
* Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
* Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
* Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
* Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
* Stadium Air Conditioning Fails--Fans Protest
* Steals Clock, Faces Time
* Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan (Those bodies, always complaining...)
* Stolen Painting Found by Tree
* Stud Tires Out
* Study: Long-Term Marijuana Use Harms Mermory (from Daily Hampshire Gazette of Northhampton, Massachusetts) Apparently it's rough on spelling, too.)
* Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents (Thus making them Siamese twins parents...?)
* Teacher Strikes Idle Kids (Mo less than they deserve...)
* Tiger Woods Plays With Own Balls, Nike Says
* Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung (Headline from the Oakland Tribune)
* Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter (This shortage of checkout workers must be ended.)
* Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
* Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead (In the cemetery? Weren't they already dead?)
* War Dims Hope for Peace
* Woman Improving After Fatal Crash
* Workers Finish Boring Sewer Tunnel (Atlanta Journal Constitution headline) (Ever drill an INTERESTING sewer tunnel?)

Credit: Bad Newspaper Headlines.

We all need somebody to love...

Some of us just can't find the right person!



Thomas Frazier, 42, was jailed in Flint, Mich., in April after his unpaid child-support tab reached $530,000 (14 children with 13 women). He told the judge that he was only trying "to find someone who would love me for me."



Credit: Flint Journal, 4-11-09

Goofy headlines.

jtkjager's post a few days back got me on the search for some other funny news stories, and in doing so I came across this collection of easily misinterpreted headlines. Editors, be sure you're veeeeery careful with your papers, or you might get stories that start with something like these.

* Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
* Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
* Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
* House passes gas tax onto senate
* Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
* Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
* William Kelly was fed secretary
* Milk drinkers are turning to powder
* Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
* Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
* Farmer bill dies in house
* Iraqi head seeks arms
* Queen Mary having bottom scraped
* Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
* Prostitutes appeal to Pope
* Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
* NJ judge to rule on nude beach
* Child's stool great for use in garden
* Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
* Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
* Organ festival ends in smashing climax
* If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
* War dims hope for peace
* Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
* Cold wave linked to temperatures
* Child's death ruins couple's holiday
* Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
* Man is fatally slain
* Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
* Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation




Credit: The Funny Pages.

Weird Headlines and Stupid People

This headline struck me as really funny and once I read the article it was even funnier. Talk about dumb ideas. Forget about the why would anyone do that and focus on the part about the live webcam. It runs constantly and having been employed there, these workers must have known about it. Some people just don't think!

2 Yellowstone workers fired after watering geyser

CHEYENNE — Two seasonal Yellowstone National Park concession workers have been fired after a live webcam caught them urinating into the Old Faithful geyser.

Park spokesman Al Nash says a 23-year-old man on Tuesday was fined $750 and placed on three years of unsupervised probation for urinating, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. The man also was banned from Yellowstone for two years.

The second employee's case is pending.

The park's dispatch center was called after someone watching a webcam on the geyser saw six employees leaving the trail and walking on Old Faithful on May 4.

The geyser was not erupting at the time.

Xanterra Parks & Resorts general manager Jim McCaleb says the former concession workers were hired at the Old Faithful Inn and that such incidents were rare.

Credit: newsvine.com