Boat Launching Procedures

He just bought a new boat and decided to take 'er for the maiden voyage. This is his first boat and he wasn't quite sure of the proper SOP: Standard Operating Procedures for launching it off a ramp, but he figured it couldn't be too hard. He'd "figure it out", ALTHOUGH he did consult his local boat dealer for a "little" advice, they just said "don't let the trailer get too deep when you are trying to launch the boat."

What did he do wrong?

Well, he didn't know what they meant by that as he could BARELY get the trailer in the water at all!!!!

Anyhow, here's a picture below. See for yourself. What did he do wrong?

Credit: Unknown. (If this picture belongs to you, click here to claim it.)

What's in your meat?

If the meat that is at stores isn't from animals, where did it come from?

Credit: Unknown. (If this picture belongs to you, click here to claim it.)

Actual Product Instructions

On a Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritoes:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

On Nytol Sleep Aide:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."

On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."


On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

Credit: www.earlytexasfamilies.com

Weird Headlines and Stupid People

This headline struck me as really funny and once I read the article it was even funnier. Talk about dumb ideas. Forget about the why would anyone do that and focus on the part about the live webcam. It runs constantly and having been employed there, these workers must have known about it. Some people just don't think!

2 Yellowstone workers fired after watering geyser

CHEYENNE — Two seasonal Yellowstone National Park concession workers have been fired after a live webcam caught them urinating into the Old Faithful geyser.

Park spokesman Al Nash says a 23-year-old man on Tuesday was fined $750 and placed on three years of unsupervised probation for urinating, being off trail in a restricted area and taking items from the area. The man also was banned from Yellowstone for two years.

The second employee's case is pending.

The park's dispatch center was called after someone watching a webcam on the geyser saw six employees leaving the trail and walking on Old Faithful on May 4.

The geyser was not erupting at the time.

Xanterra Parks & Resorts general manager Jim McCaleb says the former concession workers were hired at the Old Faithful Inn and that such incidents were rare.

Credit: newsvine.com

You have to know when to fold them

Sometimes it is better to quit while you are ahead!

Cops: Alleged liquor thief fills out raffle ticket

HARTFORD, Wis. – An alleged shoplifter with a bottle of whiskey in his pants decided to take one more gamble before leaving a Washington County liquor store: filling out a raffle ticket. But the gamble led police right to him. The man was charged Thursday with misdemeanor retail theft, resisting an officer and disorderly conduct.

After filling out the raffle ticket to win a ticket to a Slinger Speedway race, the 20-year-old also allegedly snatched two more whiskey bottles before he fled B&S Liquor in Hartford.

Owner Steve Jost said the store clerk saw the suspect fill out the ticket and wasn't going to chase him. The ticket box had been emptied the previous day, so the clerk opened the box after calling police.

Credit: yahoo news

Stupid Lawsuits

Charlotte Feeney sued cosmetics giant L'Oreal for $15,000. Feeney insisted her life was ruined when she accidentally touched up her naturally blonde hair with brown dye from a mislabeled box.

"I was sick to my stomach," she said in an affidavit. "I have a bad hair day every day. I had headaches. I don't like myself. I stay home more than ever in my life. I wear hats most of the time."

What's more, she told her doctor that she doesn't know how to dress now that she's no longer a blonde - one reason her doctor prescribed medication to treat anxiety and depression.

"Blondes get more attention than brunettes," she said. "Emotionally, I miss that."

Thankfully a judge dismissed the suit, ruling that Feeney never proved that L'Oreal was to blame for the mix-up

Of course the real question is...why didn't she just dye her hair back to blonde? Maybe L'Oreal should have just sent her a box of blonde hair color for free! That would have solved everything!


Credit: Reader's Digest May 2009

World's Best Joke?

The World's best joke according to a research project done at the University of Hertfordshire:

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“


Best joke in the U.S.A. according to the same research project:

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.

His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”

The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”


What do you think? Are they the best?


Credit: http://www.tallrite.com/LightRelief/worldsbestjokes.htm