A Frickin' Elephant

My five-year old students, are learning to read.


Yesterday one of them pointed at a picture
in a zoo book and said,

'Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!'

I took a deep breath, then asked...
'What did you call it?'

'It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on
the picture!'


And so it does...



' A f r i c a n Elephant '

Hooked on phonics! Ain't it wonderful?

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Gotta Love Little Boys

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'

'Eight', the boy replied.

The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'

The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those'.

Credit: Unknown.

We all need somebody to love...

Some of us just can't find the right person!



Thomas Frazier, 42, was jailed in Flint, Mich., in April after his unpaid child-support tab reached $530,000 (14 children with 13 women). He told the judge that he was only trying "to find someone who would love me for me."



Credit: Flint Journal, 4-11-09

Two Questions

Life really boils down to two questions....


1. Should I get a dog...?






OR




2. Should I have children...?











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Don't mess with children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.


The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.


Credit: Unknown

Who Needs Pockets?

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Always Check Your Child's Homework

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Kids and Religion

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a pretty good time just like I am."

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted. "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."

A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

Credit: Unknown.

The Truth Hurts

I have been tanning for about a month now in preparation for our spring vacation. The other day, I ended up taking my six year old son with me. I figured he could wait in the waiting room and watch a movie for the ten minutes I was tanning. I should have known better than to leave a male of any age in a room filled with posters of beautiful, skinny, tanned, bikini wearing models. When I came out of the room, he was staring at just such a poster and asked me, "Mom, is this what tanning is?" Realizing I had not explained tanning at all to him, I answered, "Yes, I tan to make my skin look a little darker and healthier, plus it makes me feel good." He then said, "Well, you better go back and try again, you don't look like those girls at all!"

He is now grounded for life.

Credit: jtkjager

The Fire Truck

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck", the firefighter said with admiration.

"Thanks", the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's tail.

"Little partner", the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

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Nudity

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

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To Serve & Protect

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the report." My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"



Credit: Unknown (if you are the author of this story, stake your claim!)