You're getting company in 30 minutes. Your house is a mess. WHAT WILL YOU DO?
Welcome to the first session of Housekeeping Tips for Regular People. if you're a Martha-type of housekeeper, this column is NOT for you.
However, for the rest of you, this is your chance to learn secret shortcuts to good housekeeping that your mother never told you.
Secret tip 1: Door Locks
If a room clearly can't be whipped into shape in 30 days--much less 30 minutes--employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that the door is intentionally locked.
Caution: It is not advisable to use this tip for the bathroom.
Time: 2 seconds
Secret tip 2: Duct Tape
No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairrs, but it's a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything. No muss, no fuss.
Time: 2-3 minutes
Secret tip 3: Ovens
If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they're a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight when company's coming.
Time: 2 minutes
Secret tip 4: Clothes Dryers
Like Secret tip 3, except bigger. Caution: Avoid hiding flammable objects here.
Time: 2.5 minutes
Secret tip 5: Washing machines and freezers
Like secret tip 4, except even bigger.
Time: 3 minutes
Secret tip 6: Dust ruffles
No bed should be without one. Devotees of Marth believe dust ruffles exist to keep dust out from under a bed or to help coordinate the colorful look of a bedroom. The rest of us know a dust ruffle's highest and best use is to hid whatever you've managed to shove under the bed. (Refer to secrets tips 3,4,5.)
Time: 4 minutes
To be continued. . .
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