JEST FOR FUN

One day a young man was writing a letter to his girl friend who lived just a few miles away in a nearby town. Among other things, he was telling her how much he loved her and how wonderful he thought she was. The more he wrote, the more poetic he became. Finally, he said that in order to be with her he would suffer the greatest difficulties, he would face the greatest dangers that anyone could imagine. In fact, to spend only one minute with her, he would climb the highest mountain in the world. He would swim across the widest river. He would enter the deepest forest and with his bare hands fight against the fiercest animals. He finished the letter, signed his name, and then suddenly remembered that he had forgotten to mention something quite important. So he added: P.S. I will be over to see you Wednesday night as long as it doesn’t rain.

Copper Clappers

With Johnny Carson and Jack Webb. Alliteration fans will enjoy this piece.

Credit: Where I Got It: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gpVjW30I-YU

Weird world records.

It seems like just about every inconceivably nutty thing has been tried in the name of getting a world record. World's longest midget toss? World's largest ketchup bottle? World's largest bowl of pasta? I guess no length is too far or too strange in the name of getting into Guinness.

Enjoy this long list of weird world record holders. It's, ah, enlightening.

(My favorite is probably the world's largest Lego structure, standing at 92 feet and six inches.)



Credit: Neatorama.

SUNDAY MORNING SEX

Credit: Unknown.

Sunday Morning Sex:
I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling. Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

JEST FOR FUN

A boy is about to go on his first date and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies, “Son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”

The boy picks up his date, and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds. He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl, “Do you like potato pancakes?”

She says, “No.” And the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother?”

Again, the girl says, “No.” And there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl, “If you had a brother, do you think he would he like potato pancakes?”

Murphy's Laws on Work

• A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
• Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
• The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
• You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
• Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
• Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
• When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
• If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
• There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
• Mother said there would be days like this, but she never said there would be so many.
• Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.
• Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
• Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
• To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
• Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.
• Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
• The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong
• until the next person quits or is fired.
• There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.
• The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ....)
• If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
• You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
• People are always available for work in the past tense.
• If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
• At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
• When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
• You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
• No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
• When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
• The longer the title, the less important the job.
• Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
• An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
• Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
• All vacations and holidays create problems, except for one's own.
• Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.

Credit: www.murphyslaws.net

Murphy's Laws on Cars

1. If you try to leave the proper driving distance between you and the car in front of you, someone will always move in.
2. The guy that has a bumper sticker that says "If you can read this, You're too close" always tailgates.
3. Trucks that overturn on the highway are alway filled with something sticky.
4. There's always room to merge behind a diesel bus.
5. As soon as you change lanes to a faster lane, it becomes the slowest lane.
6. If you try to change lanes to get off the ramp, the guy in the lane to your right will always speed up.
7. Wherever you park your car in the summer, the sun is always shining on the driver's seat.
8. It takes longer to get there than it does to get back.
9. If all the cars are coming your way -- you're probably going the wrong way on a one-way street.
10. If you park several blocks away from your destination, there will always be a parking space right in front of it.
11. The first bug to land on your clean windshield will always splatter right in front of your eyes.
12. When you need to change a flat tire, you discover that the spare tire is flat too.
13. The air conditioning breaks down on the hottest day of the year.
14. A ding in the door is more aggravating than a dent.
15. A traffic light will always turn yellow as you approach it.
16. Your car never malfunctions or makes the same noise in front of your mechanic.
17. Your car runs worse after being serviced.
18. The engine falls out of the car the day after the warranty expires.
19. Your car horn will always get stuck when you're behind a group of "Hell's Angels".

Credit: www.murphyslaws.net