Very Bad Joke For Valentine's Day

This joke is so awful it is actually funny.

Three friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the necessary funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to go ask the friars to get out of the business. They ignored her too. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that:

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

Collective groan now.

Admit it...You know it made you smile!

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Valentine Hearts Found In Unusual Places

Valentine Exhaust Pipes

Valentine Dog

Valentine Coffee

Valentine Beer

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Valentine Wisdom

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Valentine's Day From a Different Perspective

Some people view Valentine's Day as the day to tell that special someone how much they mean to you. Others see Valentine's Day as an opportunity...

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The balding man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying them all.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer."

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What Not To Give Her For Valentine's Day

1. A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide

the fact you ate all the caramel ones.

2. Any food item with the words "diet", "light", or "high fiber" on the label.

3. Any video starring Sylvester Stallone or Jim Carrey.

4. Flowers from a hospital's gift shop--or worse, a mortuary's.

5. Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.

6. A gift certificate.

7. Cash.

8. Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on

the way over, even if you didn't.

9. An apologetic look and the words "That was today?"

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Valentine's Day is coming up...

And, naturally, it deserves a few groaners.

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the valentine card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we'll go places!

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I'm stuck on you.

Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed', guess who' ?
A: A divorce lawyer.

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.

Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
A: No, but they had an apple.

Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand? Valentine Joke

Q: What did one snake say to the other snake?
A: Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.
Knock, Knock,
Who's there?
Olive
Olive who?
Olive you!

Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because it couldn't get a date.

Q: What is a ram's favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear

Q: What travels around the world but stays in one corner?
A: A stamp.

Q: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
A: You get buttered up.

Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called?
A: His ghoul-friend.

Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
A: Antelope.

Credit: Guy-Sports.com