World's Weirdest Animals Part 1

The Aye-aye


The Blobfish


The Angora Rabbit

Credit: Unknown. (If this picture belongs to you, click here to claim it.)

HOOK, LINE, AND STINKER

by Cynthia MacGregor


Although guys are more likely to go on fishing expeditions than gals are, fishing is popular with both sexes. Some guys like to have their wives or girlfriends along for company, while others prefer just their buddies, and still others like the solitude of fishing alone—they think tuna boat is one too many. Go out fishing with one of these guys and eel be grumpy all day. But if you’re a couple who lobster go fishing together, you can really have a fine time by yourselves out in the boat even if you don’t catch anything. And if you don’t get any fish, you can still sun bait and get a little tan.

Some guys like to bring their dogs, but if you don’t watch him, the dog might shad fur all over the fish. Perch chance the dog might eat your catch, too.

For some guys, the porpoise of fishing is to catch dinner; for others it’s the bragging rights that are at stake; for others, a day communing with nature is the real purpose, and catching fish is just incidental. And for some it’s the exercise—no motorboats for them; they’d rather roe.

But it’s shrimply good clean fun, regardless of your motivation, and if you like to fish, you oyster get out there and do it as often as possible. The challenge, the exercise, and the change of pace are all healthy, and communing with nature, far from the city’s clammer, is good for your sole. Make a solemn promise to yourself: “Whale go fishing as often as we can.”

When you hook that first fish of the day, your adrenaline will surge. Feel the blood rushing through your veins? Feel the tingling in your scallop? Even if the fish you catch are small and you have to throw back everything you catch trout the day, you’ll have a marvelous time.

Before you go out, ask another fisherman, or someone at the bait shop, for some advice. As squid the fish are biting on today, so you know if you need worms, clams, or lures.

Be sure to bring sunscreen so you don’t get burned and perhaps a hat to keep the sun off your head so you don’t get a haddock. Coming home burnt and headachy would give you a crappie ending to the day. Some guys like to go out before dawn and come in before the sun gets too high, though salmon might say they’re missing a good time by coming in so early.

Women, of course you’ll dress in jeans or shorts—something that you can get fish and bait all over without cringing. This is hardly the place to wear a fancy frog.

Don’t bring too many friends with you unless you own a large yacht—if too many people octopi a small boat at once, it can get uncomfortably crowded.

But if you follow all my suggestions, and you don’t make a problem out of it in the event that the fishing’s not too good that day, you can have the bass time of your life!

Fish chooses its own fate.

Aqua lovers might want to steer clear of this one. It's nothing too gruesome, though - if you've ever been down to the beach you'll know what to expect. (I just wonder who has this much free time in their day.)

FEUD—OR, SOMEONE’S IN THE KITSCH CHIN WITH DINNER

by Cynthia MacGregor

Most people eat three meals a day, except for black widow spiders, who eat three males a day. If your Aunt Edna sends you cookies, you might eat one mail a day. Not everybody calls their meals by the same names. Some people eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Others eat breakfast, dinner, and supper. Some people combine two meals and eat brunch, but no one I know eats dupper or linner.

Food is fun to eat and fun to cook, except for wry bread, which is always sort of sorry, and shellfish, who don’t share, even though certain kinds are shrimply delicious. Lobsters are also known as crusty shins, even though they don’t have any identifiable ankles (or aunts). They do have claws, but no flying reindeer. Crabs have bad dispositions. Clams are the silent type, even though the people who fish for them, clammers, are noisy. I oyster be ought to name all the fish in this category, but when I try, I usually forget scallops, which not only have no shell but also no hair, which is why the scallop is so visible.

I love eating certain kinds of fish with all my heart and sole, and apparently many of my neighbors agree, as fish are a strong drawing cod at many local restaurants. Some people eat fish because they’re so healthy and others just for the halibut. At the rate this nation is consuming seafood, if we don’t empty out the oceans in a few more years it’ll be a major mackerel. Some fish restaurants are very informal in decor, while in others you’re served with much pompano and circumstance.

Some fishermen fish off the dock, while others, in search of such delicacies as fish eggs, roe out to sea. When the fish see the boat coming, they get out of there in a hurry—salmon time and others not. Fish travel in schools, usually in a very orderly fashion, tuna row, but apparently they don’t learn much in these schools, as they still haven’t learned to avoid getting caught.

Although fish is delicious, my personal favorite food is chicken. Watching a hen run across a field is poultry in motion, but I’d rather see a chicken on my plate—upper or lower. Chickens have no cholesterol, hens they are very healthy to eat. Eggs have cholesterol, though, and I wonder eggsactly where that cholesterol goes when the egg becomes a chicken. I have enough chicken recipes in my recipe box to create an all-chicken cookbook—most of my other books have been for parents or kids, so if I wrote such a book, it would be a real pullet surprise.

The cattlemen have a real beef with folks who tell you not to eat red meat more than three times a week. Of course, they have a steak in getting you to consume more of their product.

There there is a very pig market for pork products. I ham a fan of well-prepared pork myself. A good cook knows about the danger that lurks in pork and how to overcome those little worms—the trick he knows is to cook it adequately.

Here is an assortment of odd facts—some of them very odd indeed—pertaining to food:
• It must rain a lot in Hungary—they sell a lot of goulashes.
• Most bakers have good manners because they are well bread.
• An arthritic cake master spends her day among bakin’ and aches.
• A considerate cook never peas in the carrots.
• Fish are great singers—they have the scales for it—but bakers always get stuck at the beginning of the scale—all they have is Dough.
• Baking soda is not found in the store’s beverage department!
• Swallow a little yeast when you go to bed at night and you’ll rise easily in the morning.
• If your electricity goes out, you still can power your fridge off the currants in the jelly. If you don’t have currant jelly, though, then you’re in a jam. If you have only damson jam, you’re plum out of luck.

Not everyone’s taste in foods is identical. Some people eat sweet breads, while others eat sweetbreads, and I have heard there are people who eat a food made from sheep’s stomachs, though I think that’s a lot of tripe. Pigs feet are popular with some folks, but I think swallowing them is a feat, all right. Some people are liver lovers, while others speak up in favor of eating tongue. The cow, unfortunately, can’t say anything about the matter. There are even people who are partial to a dish called “prairie oysters,” but I think that’s so much bull!

Some people like waffles, but others show more determination. Some folks like bagels for breakfast…if you want to be funny and eat a musical instrument, that’s your privilege, but I take breakfast more cereally than that. Horror movie buffs like their bagels with scream cheese, but the headbanger crowd prefers butt-her.

Some wag once pointed out that you’ll never starve in the Sahara because of the sand which is there, but I’d like to add that an insult comedian’s audience will also never starve—with all that ribbing, there are spare ribs for all. Similarly a failed stage show, even if the audiences stay away, at least provides food for its cast and crew—obviously the show is a real turkey. And if you’re hungry in your living room, just go to the sofa and eat the stuffing.