JEST FOR FUN

A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being God's creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted.
The man was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his flower beds, and he had tried everything. Two weeks later, on a visit I noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were beginning to bloom. So I asked him how he managed to keep the birds away. "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?"
"One night I hid half a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I wasn't bothered after that."

JEST FOR FUN

Women are basically greedy: They want all things from one man. Men are so simple: They want only one thing from all women.

JEST FOR FUN

I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

JEST FOR FUN

A couple met at Hilton Head and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue the relationship after their vacations were over. "It's only fair to warn you Jody," he said. "I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and breathe golf." "Well, since you're being honest, so will I," Jody said. "I'm a hooker." "I see," he said. Then brightening, he smiled. "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

JEST FOR FUN

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

JEST FOR FUN

A preacher said to a farmer, "Do you belong to the Christian family?" "No", he said, "Chris and his family live two farms down." "No, no, I mean are you lost?" "No, I've been here thirty years." "I mean are you ready for Judgment Day?" "When is it ?" "It could be today or tomorrow ". "Well, when you find out for sure when it is, you let me know. My wife will probably want to go both days."

JEST FOR FUN

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist,
looked straight into his eyes, and said,"I'd like to buy some cyanide."

 The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

 The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

 The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

JEST FOR FUN

The Dog Star is drawing closer to Earth at the rate of nine miles a second. Someday, we could be in Sirius trouble!

JEST FOR FUN

A man enters a pharmacy and requested a supply of Viagra. The clerk sends him over to speak with the pharmacist. The pharmacist tells the man he would need a doctor's prescription in order for her to dispense the drug. The man leaves but returns with a gun, brandishes it, and again demands Viagra. The pharmacist gives him all the bottles of it that she has. The man flees, and the pharmacist calls the police. One responding officer says to the other, "This makes me wonder, do we look for a hardened criminal?"

JEST FOR FUN

In church this past Sunday, we celebrated Communion. During the "children's sermon", the minister was talking about Communion and what it is all about. - "The Bible talks of Holy Communion being a 'joyful feast'. What does that mean? Well, 'joyful' means happy, right? And a feast is a meal. So a 'joyful feast' is a happy meal. And what are the three things we need for a happy meal?" One boy blurted out, "Hamburger, fries, and a regular soft drink!"

JEST FOR FUN

One day in school, the teacher wrote on the blackboard, "I ain't had no fun at all last week." She turned to her class and said, "Now, what should I do to correct that?" A shy student stood up and replied meekly, "Maybe you should get a boyfriend."

JEST FOR FUN

More than five million American women are overweight. These, of course, are round figures.

JEST FOR FUN

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

JEST FOR FUN

In all fairness to the Toyota salesman, he didn't lie to me about the brakes. He said, "You'll love this car. There's no stopping it."

JEST FOR FUN

An old lady, who lived on the third floor of a boarding house, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took off the cast. "Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady. "Yes," he replied. "Thank goodness!" she said. "I'm sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe!"

JEST FOR FUN

In a grocery store, a cashier held up a small dairy carton and yelled to a co-worker, "How much is half-and-half?" Without a moment's hesitation, the other cashier replied, "One."

JEST FOR FUN

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing," on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

JEST FOR FUN

Marv took his family to visit a living history museum, which included seeing houses and stores that were more than one hundred years old. After they entered an old one-room schoolhouse Marv pointed to a desk that had an empty hole for an ink bottle. "What do you think this hole was for? he asked his kids. His twelve-year-old son Martin replied, "It's a Coke can holder."

JEST FOR FUN

Two friends stayed at a Chicago hotel while attending a convention. Since they weren't used to the big city, they were overly concerned about security. The first night they placed a chair against the door and stacked their luggage on it. To complete the barricade, they put the trash can on top. If an intruder tried to break in, they'd be sure to hear him. Around 1 a. m. there was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" one friend asked nervously. "Honey," a woman on the other side yelled, "you left your key in the door."

JEST FOR FUN

There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. "All you have to do" she told her class "is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around."

JEST FOR FUN

With all the fear of radiation fallout from Japan I thought it might be useful to tell you about a cheap, effective, homemade radiation tester you can easily assemble and rely upon. Follow
these simple instructions:

Open a bag of microwave popcorn. Leave it on your kitchen counter. If it starts popping, you're in deep doo doo!