JEST FOR FUN

Have you heard about the pharmaceutical company that developed a new drug which, when administered to women, compels them to go join a convent? The FDA refused to license it, though. Seems it was habit-forming.

JEST FOR FUN

A friend and her husband were participating in a blood drive, and as part of the prescreening process, an elderly volunteer was asking some questions. "Have you ever paid for sex?" the woman asked my friend's husband sweetly. Glancing wearily over at his wife, trying to calm a new baby and tend to the other children milling around her, he sighed, "Every time."

JEST FOR FUN

In a large Florida city, the rabbi developed quite a reputation for his sermons, so much so that everyone in the community came every Shabbat. Unfortunately, one weekend a member had to visit Long Island for his nephew's bar mitzvah. But he didn't want to miss the rabbi's sermon. So he decided to hire a Shabbas goy to sit in the congregation and tape the sermon so he could listen to it when he returned. Other congregants saw what was going on, and they also decided to hire Shabbas goys to tape the sermon so they could play golf instead of going to shul. Within a few weeks' time there were 500 gentiles sitting in shul taping the rabbi. The rabbi got wise to this. The following Shabbas he, too, hired a Shabbas goy who brought a tape recorder to play his prerecorded sermon to the 500 gentiles in the congregation who dutifully recorded his words on their machines. Witnesses said this marked the first incidence in history of artificial insermonation.

JEST FOR FUN

A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart and the fences were broken down. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!" A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. "Amazing!" the preacher says. "Look what God and you have accomplished together!" "Yes, reverend," says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!"

JEST FOR FUN

Credit: Grammarian and author Richard Lederer, as quoted in Stan Kegel's Puns of the Day

Here's a true story: Beth, a high school English teacher in Maine, lived with her friend Sam, an intelligent golden retriever. One day, Beth's mother was riding in the back seat of the car with Sam, who insisted on leaning on Mother. Mother told Sam to "lay down and behave." No action. Mother repeated, "Lay down, Sam." Still no response. Then Beth commanded, "Lie down, Sam," and down the dog went. He was, after all, the companion of an English teacher.

JEST FOR FUN

Aging: Remember when your mother said, "Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"? Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

JEST FOR FUN

A young woman felt she was well prepared for her in-depth interview with several members of the police-academy board who would determine her suitability as a candidate. The first situation they presented to her was: "On routine patrol you see a car traveling at excessive speed, with undue care and attention. You pull it over and discover that the driver is your brother. What do you do?" Without hesitation she replied, "Tell Mom!" She was accepted.