JEST FOR FUN

The most important question to ask when you want to have safe sex is, "What time will your husband get home?"

JEST FOR FUN

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road."

JEST FOR FUN

I volunteered recently to perform a parachute jump for charity. On our first day of training, the instructor made an important point about preparing for landing at 300 feet. "How do you know when you're at 300 feet?" asked one woman. "A good question," replied the instructor. "At 300 feet you can recognize the faces of people on the ground." The woman thought about this for awhile before saying, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

JEST FOR FUN

Sign at a gasoline station: PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR GAS PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR GASOLINE IS.

JEST FOR FUN

Little Mary was at her first wedding and gaped at the entire ceremony. When it was over, she asked her mother, "Why did the lady change her mind?" Her mother asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, she went down the aisle with one man and came back with another one."

JEST FOR FUN

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." The following day, walking in the park with his mother, he saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then said to her, "Uh-oh, I know what you have been doing!"

JEST FOR FUN

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road."