JEST FOR FUN

The 'Over 60s Choir" will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.

JEST FOR FUN

I have a sure fire way to keep thin. I keep inviting over relatives for meals and there's less for me. It's called the add kins diet.

JEST FOR FUN

After hearing a bible lesson about miracles, a little girl went up to her religion teacher. "In my house," said the little girl, "when handwriting appears on the wall it's not a miracle, it's the work of my little brother."

JEST FOR FUN

As he entered the room within which so many a wild night of their sweltering love affair had been spent, the White Rabbit regarded her with benevolent eyes, her posture such that he suspected something was wrong, but before he could speak Alice unburied her face from her trembling hands and between her intense sobs he made out the words, "I'm late ... I'm late."

JEST FOR FUN

On vacation, a man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a snack at the restaurant, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.

She lies down on the bed... just then, a train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. But just a few minutes later a train again shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager who says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband, having finished his snack, walks in. He takes one look at the manager lying in bed with his wife and yells, "Hey! What are you doing in here!?"

The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

JEST FOR FUN

A woman walked into her sister's kitchen and found her nephew, Mitch, having a snack. "Where's your mother?" sje asked.
"She said she was going to take a shower. Just a second and I'll see." Mitch went to the kitchen tap and turned the hot water on full blast. An indignant yell came from above. Mitch calmly turned off the tap and said, "Yep, she's in the shower."

JEST FOR FUN

The closest I ever came to a menage a trois was when I dated a schizophrenic.

JEST FOR FUN

I'm living with a guy, but we're not married. It's kinda like leasing with an option to buy.

JEST FOR FUN

Pat and Mike were getting ready to go on a camping trip. Pat said, "I'm taking along a gallon of whiskey just in case of rattlesnake bites. What are you taking?"

Mike answered, "Two rattlesnakes."

JEST FOR FUN

One day, after Joe had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," Joe said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."

JEST FOR FUN

My wife and I were browsing in a crafts store when I noticed a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, I picked up a shiny, one-stringed instrument I took to be a mouth harp. I put it to my lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, twanged a few notes on it. After watching from a distance, my wife came up and whispered in my ear, "I hate to tell you this, honey, but you're trying to play a cheese slicer."

JEST FOR FUN

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart. - Erma Bombeck

JEST FOR FUN

While I was preaching at a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison quartet would be singing the following evening. I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them. The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them. "This is our prison quartet," he said. "Behind a few bars and always looking for the key."

JEST FOR FUN

A Tom Swiftie:

"I'll have the turtle soup" Tom said mockingly.

JEST FOR FUN

It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

JEST FOR FUN

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender missionary. I've baked 'em, I've roasted 'em, I've stewed 'em, I've barbecued 'em, I've even tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender." The second cannibal asks, "What kind of missionary do you use?" The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and their sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads." "Ah ha!" he replies. "No wonder.. those are friars!"

JEST FOR FUN

A guy and a girl are having a dinner in a fancy restaurant. The man raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!"

"What's that mean?" asks the girl.

"That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast."

"Oh. Well here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."

"Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What's that?"

The girl says, "That's French toast."

JEST FOR FUN

She was engaged to a man with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

JEST FOR FUN

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called, and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found: The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring. Which demonstrates that some problems can be fixed by pissing and moaning.

JEST FOR FUN

Several elderly nuns were in their second floor convent one night when a fire broke out. They took their habits off, tied them together to make a rope, and climbed out the window. After they were safely on the ground and out of the building, a news reporter came over to one of the nuns and said to her, "Weren't you afraid that the habits could have ripped or broken since they are old? The nun replied, "Nah. Don't you know old habits are hard to break!