JEST FOR FUN

A church group held a luncheon. Afterward the participants took home any desserts that were not used. One of the women looked at her chocolate cake and said, "I can't imagine what happened to this - the fudge icing was hard this morning, the cake moist, and look how disgusting it looks
now. No wonder no one ate it." Another woman looked over and said, "That's my cake in your hand."

JEST FOR FUN

One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked "What is the Gross National Product?"

His son pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach?"

JEST FOR FUN

om, suffering from a severe toothache, finally got up enough nerve to visit his dentist, but lost it again when he was aboutto get into the chair. The dentist told his assistant to give Tom
a shot of whiskey kept on hand for just such circumstances as this.

"You got your courage back now?" the dentist asked.

"No!" replied Tom.

So a second shot was brought, then a third. "Now have you got your courage?" asked the dentist.

"You're darn right!" Tom said, squaring his shoulders. "I'd like to see who'd dare to touch my teeth now!"

JEST FOR FUN

The Governor made room on his busy calendar to hear the plea of one Mrs. Jones that her husband be released from the state penitentiary. "What was he sentenced for?" asked the
Governor gently.

"For stealing a bread truck," replied the offender's wife.

"Is he a good husband?"

"No," she replied frankly, blushing a bit. "He beats me when he gets drunk, he bullies our children, he's unfaithful, and really not much good at all."

"It sounds to me as though you're better off without him," said the Governor. "Why on earth do you want him out of jail?"

"Well," she explained, "we're out of bread again."

JEST FOR FUN

While Christmas shopping at a toy store, Barry came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel. As he scanned the line, he noticed his friend Wally, waiting with all the others. Knowing that Wally had no daughters or young relatives, Barry figured that Wally must like the dolls himself.

"Wally, I didn't know you were a collector!"

"I'm not," Wally replied.

"Then why are you standing in this long line?"

"Well, I've never been able to resist a Barbie queue!"

JEST FOR FUN

A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for Christmas dinner. As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew, Mikey, helping them bake some cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Mikey to put the icing on. When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table.

"The cupcakes look delicious, Mike." his uncle said. He took a bite and said, "Mikey these are so good." As he finished the cupcake and took another, he again complimented his little nephew. "The cupcakes look beautiful, Mikey," his uncle said. "How did you get the icing so neat?"

His nephew replied, "It was easy. I just licked them."

The uncle turned pale. He pointed to the plate of cupcakes. "You licked all of these?"

Mikey replied, "Well no. After a while my tongue got tired, so I got the dog to help."

JEST FOR FUN

Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and going grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend
whom I had been promising to take to lunch, asked if we could make it that Friday. So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went and picked her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped. "Geesh! Thanks a lot!" she sulked.

What? Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the turkey."

JEST FOR FUN

It was Christmas Eve at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one. In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, "Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?" "No, madam," he replied, "they're all dead."

JEST FOR FUN

I just got off the phone with a friend living in northern Minnesota near the Canadian border. He said that since early this morning the snow is nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping and is at about 15 degrees and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in …

JEST FOR FUN

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my friend, "That's us in 10 years." He said, "That's a mirror, you idiot."

JEST FOR FUN

People in my office were forgetting about food they'd left in the employees' refrigerator. New policy asked that a name and date be marked on each container. As a reminder, a signwas posted: "Please date your food." Below, someone hadscribbled: "What? And give up men?"

JEST FOR FUN

Two signs found on top of one another in a country restaurantseveral years ago:
Restrooms to the left.
Please wait for the hostess to seat you.

JEST FOR FUN

This morning I woke up late and now I'm scrambling to make breakfast!

JEST FOR FUN

The day before his wedding, a woman stopped in to visit her uncle, for whom this would be his second marriage, She knew he really wanted to make it work. "Are you nervous about the wedding?" she asked him.

"No way," he replied nonchalantly. "Cup of cake. Cup of cake."

JEST FOR FUN

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.

JEST FOR FUN

Visiting the psych ward, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient. "Well," the director said, "we fill a bathtub, then offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient, and ask him to empty the tub." "I get it," the visitor said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's the biggest." "No," the director said. "A normal person would pull the plug."

JEST FOR FUN

Before my daughter went on her first date, I gave her "the talk." "Sometimes, it's easy to get carried away when you're with a boy," I said. "Remember, a short moment of indiscretion could ruin your life." "Don't worry," she said. "I don't plan on ruining my life until I get married."

JEST FOR FUN

As a highly skilled computer technician, Joe was hired to synchronize the communication between the microchips in the various computers in a local network. His new boss had left him instructions on a series of post-it notes. The slips of paper were so numerous and jumbled that they were confusing to Joe and his colleagues. Finally, Joe decided to ignore his boss' instructions. He simply discarded the notes and successfully completed the task on his own. Upon his return, Joe's boss asked him to describe the strategy that resulted in his success. "That's easy," replied Joe. "Lose slips, sync chips!"

j

"No woman can keep a secret." "I don't know about that. I've kept my age a secret since I was 21." "You'll let it out some day." "I hardly think so. When a woman has kept a secret for 27 years, she can keep it forever."

JEST FOR FUN

I am retired. I WAKE UP WITH NOTHING TO DO, AND BY THE TIME I GO TO BED, I ONLY HAVE HALF OF IT DONE! How did I ever find time to go to work?

JEST FOR FUN

Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position

JEST FOR FUN

A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.